My younger brother is getting married and I'm happy for him. I recently met his fiancee she's cool. No complaints from me. She met the majority of our family and of course everyone asks me "So when are you getting married?" I say "I just want to truly love a woman." It'll make sense as I continue.
My parents have been married for 32 years. They love each other. They like each other. Enjoy each other's company. Rarely fight. With that said I DON'T want what they have. Now I could get into why I don't want what they have but I feel I'd be going too deep into their private lives so I'm a leave that alone but I do not want what they have. Their idea of marriage doesn't fit mine and that's perfectly fine because we're human and we're all unique. It's the same as saying their hobbies aren't my hobbies. People are different.
After looking at prices for tux's for my brother's wedding I asked myself "What the fuck is marriage?" I seriously pondered that shit for hours upon hours. Why is it important that I get married? Why does everyone care so much? I was really trying to break this shit down to it's core. I just want true love. I know what you're thinking. "But Benny isn't marriage true love?" Good question. Here's my answer. In my opinion. No. It's not.
Weddings, Marriages, are the Super Bowls of romanticism. It's the pinnacle of being romantic. It's not true love. True Love and Romanticism are super different. Being romantic is basically fucking, physical attraction, and the idea of love. True Love is Love in it's most perfect state. The pure form and it's pure form it still can't be defined. I could be married to a woman while truly in love with another woman on the side. We see this everyday in reality or the fiction we see in novels, movies, music, etc. Can you be married and truly in love? Yeah, just look at my parents but we're raised to believe that in order to truly be in love and love someone forever we have to get married. It's bullshit. Marriage is nothing but a business deal. It's a contract. That's all it is.
I know we all want the big ceremony. Our family and friends watching. The woman wants the beautiful dress. The man wants to look GQ fresh and see his woman in that dress. The proposals. The vows. The celebration. I get all of that but if I get married it'll be on our terms. Not on society's terms. Not because of pressure that me and her shouldn't give a fuck about in the first place. The pressure that you have to get married by a certain age or you don't want to be the only single friend out of a group of friends that are married. You're basing your love life on fear and that's dangerous. My godfather found his soulmate in his 50's. He's the happiest I've ever seen him in my life. She took her time. He finally took his time and that's why it's working. He went through 2 marriages before her. He married for the wrong reasons. He married because society has raised us to believe we have to do it to truly be in love and that's so false. They make us believe that love isn't real if you don't sign those documents. Didn't know we can't share a life together without marriage (Hi sarcasm).
Majority of people get married based on time or history. What I mean by that is let's say I've been with someone for 5 years exclusively. I start thinking "Well I've been with her 5 years I might as well get married to her." Basically pressuring myself and then I go and propose. What woman is going to say no to a marriage proposal especially if it's done in a public setting? She'll be embarrassed if she says no. She sees a ring she not saying no. The percentage of a woman saying no to a proposal is so small. Since playing with dolls and dollhouses they've dreamed of that moment. It doesn't matter if the guy is an asshole or the relationship is terrible and unhealthy, the moment of a proposal will out weigh all of that.
We all become prisoners of the moment. Unhappiness can take a backseat to a proposal and the thought of marriage. It's the romanticism of the moment that does that.
Being in love is way more than the time we've been together. Our history wont make me love you or keep me loving you. Good memories are great but what about now? It's how we make each other feel day to day that counts. Only a fool would stick around to be unhappy, marry that person, and miss out happiness because they have invested so much time in that person. We call that settling and I have one fucking life to live so I'm not settling for shit. I don't give a fuck how old I am. Time can't be deceived. No one on this planet can manipulate time. I rather have 2 years of a happy relationship than 40 years of a marriage where I'm just content, wasting time, and not happy in.
We see these huge milestone marriages like 10 year anniversaries but do you ever notice that no one ever asks "Are they happy?" We're just so impressed with the number and the time passed that we don't think about the most important factor. Just makes sense for me to do me and wait it out. I don't like to force anything and I damn sure not forcing marriage or even a relationship.
If I'm happy I'm staying. If I'm unhappy I'm leaving. I'm going to whoever makes me the happiest. Simple as that. Nothing complex about it. I don't care what anybody outside of my situation thinks. One of my goals with my future love is when we're asked how our relationship is going I want us both to say "We're happy" and it be the truth instead of saying it's going good. One thing I promised myself after my last relationship is that I will NEVER compromise my happiness ever again. Look around the world. It's hard as fuck to be happy mainly because of fear. Why are we so fucking afraid to be happy? We're so afraid of happiness that we'll make ourselves comfortable in bullshit and things we dislike. It's easier to settle and try to make the best of situation we don't desire. It takes work and sacrifice to be happy. People fear work, sacrifice, and change.
You also have the "I got caught cheating" proposals too. A lot of dudes guilty of this shit. They get caught fucking around she threatens to leave or the relationship is severely damaged because the trust is fucked up so the guy says fuck it and go buys a ring to propose and think that's going to fix everything. No. It won't. Once that ceremony is over. After the honeymoon phase done. All the problems you had when you weren't married will be amplified and they will come back with a fucking vengeance. I see this way too often.
Not trying to get all spiritual and shit but it's easy to break a marriage. It's hard to break two people who are truly in love. As you can see in the video above. Dwayne made a choice to get his soulmate no matter what. Fuck the marriage part but people who are truly in love will always find each other and connect whether it's by fate or by choice. You can't force true love. You can try and fake it but 1 of 3 things will happen. You'll stay and be miserable, cheat, or you'll be exposed. Possibly all 3 at once. No matter how many women I'm intimate with if I'm truly in love with one of them then that woman will be who I think of the most. No matter who I'm laying with. All Whitley kept seeing at her wedding with Byron was Dwayne. Love is real like that.
I can post the same woman for 6 years straight as my W.C.W on every social network and that won't mean shit. I could be cheating on her. I could be resenting her. Captions don't captivate anything in my world. That's not true love. We live in a time where relationships/marriages have to be flaunted on the internet to be considered real. News flash ladies and gentlemen. The ones who flaunt it the most are truly the unhappiest. Their relationships are bullshit. It's all a front.
People are more addicted to how their relationship/marriage is perceived than the actual relationship/marriage itself and that's why they stay stagnant and never grow mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. The relationship/marriage just "exists" and that's it. There's no depth just width.
A recently divorced Wiz Khalifa was on The Breakfast Club and he talks about his love for Amber Rose, their bond being better after ending the marriage, and why he doesn't care about marriage. The quote I took away from this interview and stuck with me is "Marriage makes something that was official, unofficial." Wiz hit the nail on the head with that. Marriage is just business. You're paying so much money for it. More taxes. The shit is a headache. Especially if you divorce. More time to waste. More money to spend. If you're not married you can just get up and leave. Simple. I see married couples who are miserable but stay married because of how much a hassle divorce is. The couple becomes detached and live under one roof but separate lives. A sad sight.
This is what I want to do. If my woman wants to get married. We can, but we doing it differently. No paperwork. We can get each other rings. She can wear that beautiful wedding dress. I'll grab a tux. No preacher. We create our own vows to exchange and we'll have a "Celebration Of Us." Y'all can call it a wedding I don't care but we not having no normal, boring ass, american wedding. I want some Imos, fish, and BBQ for our guests. Not that expensive bland ass catered food. Some real liquor and wine. Henny. Remy. All types of music not just wedding music. Add the slide songs in there for my momma. She love them. I want some Vess there. This a party. After the party we go on a vacation. I'm tired of following these unwritten bullshit rules that some boring assholes made up for society. We're doing it OUR way. Can't no documents on earth tell me who not my wife or how much I love her. It's deeper than that. We conditioned to do so much bullshit and I'm tired of it. I'm ending that cycle.
My woman will be my best friend before marriage. We'll grow together regardless of marriage. Our love won't be defined by marriage. We'll share things together regardless of marriage. I'll accept my woman as she is regardless of marriage. She will never lose her identity with me and I won't lose mine with her. I'd be interested in my woman without marriage. I won't emotionally shut down on my woman and she won't on me.
I'm not knocking anyone who happily married and truly in love. I have friends who truly are. My parents are. My brother is about to be but like I said in the beginning, we're all different. So I'm going to ask myself this question one more time.
"What the fuck is marriage?" ........ Whatever the fuck I want it to be.