All these black shows in rotation on television make a nigga wanna shed a tear. It's great that they're on the air but it's even better that these shows are QUALITY and I can actually relate to them. I don't see people like me in starring roles on television often so I love this feeling I have at the moment. 

Enter "Insecure." 

Pharrell Williams is my dad in my mind so I first seen Issa Rae on the iamOTHER website on her series "Awkward Black Girl." I liked it because I love any writing or script that makes me very uncomfortable or feel awkward when I watch it. Curb Your Enthusiasm is a perfect example of that. It's very awkward to watch and makes people cringe because they feel embarrassed just by watching certain situations Larry finds himself in. Issa Rae was the same in "Awkward Black Girl." 

As expected I was excited for the announcement of "Insecure" on HBO and Larry Wilmore being involved also was very pleasing to hear. I'm a fan of his writing. To my delight I seen on HBO GO that a special showing of episode 1 was available to watch. Instantly cancelled my plans at that moment and grabbed a box of fruit snacks, turned my phone off, and locked in. 

After watching Episode 1 "Insecure As Fuck" here are my random thoughts. 


This might sound ignorant but I love hearing the word nigga on tv shows. I have the same obsession as Paul Mooney with the word nigga. Just saying it makes my teeth whiter. They say it a few times on episode 1 so off the rip I knew I was going to like this shit. The very first scene where the middle school kids just start flaming Issa from her hair to her relationship to the fatal final blow "HER CLOTHES SETTLE FOR LESS!" This show indicates that it will be unapologetically black. It sets the tone for the series. Me and my friends really acted like those middle school kids when we were their age and we did the same shit when we had public speakers come speak to us. I just love how this show didn't ride the fence. It's making it known that this story is about black folks and their struggles and triumphs. 


When I turned 29 I had the same type of thoughts as Issa did. It's totally different with single women of course because with women majority of them start thinking about kids and how they don't want to have kids in their later years because of potential health risks. I'm going to assume more women than men want to be married before age 30. Keyword assume. It seems to hit women harder than men from what I've seen. When that 29th year comes you reflect quite a bit. The regrets. The good times. Where are you today? Where are you headed in life? A little bit of panic comes in for some people because they feel like they haven't accomplished anything or they're not where they want to be. The 29th year you either feel sorry for yourself or you get focused and go super hard. It's a make or break year for some people. The fear of turning 30 is real for a lot of people but once you reach it you start to see that nothing is nearly finished and you're only just beginning. It's really beautiful. 

Issa was questioning everything on her 29th birthday. Shit, even her personality. She wanted to become more outgoing on her 29th year of life and that's not a bad thing because being outgoing can allow you to remove a lot of stress from your life and bring in more fun and happiness. 


"My dad said ain't nobody checking for bitter ass black women anymore." - Middle School Kid 

Now black women aren't the only bitter humans on the planet that is totally false but if you let society have a say in the matter they would tell you it's true. If a black woman has an attitude she's bitter but if a woman of any other race has an attitude she's seen as "Fierce" in a positive light. 

Latina Attitude = Sexy 

White Woman Attitude = Fierce, Adorable

Black Woman Attitude = Hinderance, stressful, harmful, dangerous

You see glimpses of this in Issa's best friend on the show Molly. Very strong willed black woman, who knows what she wants, goes after it, and seems to intimidate men without trying. She is seen as the stereotypical bitter black woman. If a black woman is single at the age Issa is on the show that means she's bitter or crazy in the eyes of men and sadly a lot of those eyes belong to a lot of black men. 


Molly had a situation in episode 1 that made her feel that she's damned if she do and damned if she don't. Instantly I thought to myself "Liking people is weird" and by weird I mean stupid. If you show interest you're thirsty. If you let things be, you lose or your anxiety make you feel like you're losing out on someone special. It's a terrible phase for me personally because I suck at feelings and when I express them I feel like a loser especially in a era where texting is the only chosen form of communication. I can't see how a woman truly responds to me I just gotta wait for the friendzone "Awww" text or even worse the "Thank You that's sweet" text. A Thank you text is a bullet right through your soul. If I had a choice to skip the "I like her" stage I would. 


It's revealed in the episode that Issa is in a 5 year relationship with nothing to really show for it. She isn't happy so why does she stay? It's because she's comfortable. Nothing changes when you're comfortable. It's okay if you're happy being comfortable but in Issa's case she isn't. She doesn't want to rock the boat that's why when she finally had a way out of the relationship instead of saying it's over she opts to tell her boyfriend "We'll talk about it later." She took no chances in her 20's and she settled and now she regrets it. Comfortable is dangerous. 

Anybody notice how this nigga Lawrence (Issa Boyfriend) didn't even take Issa out for her birthday? No gift. Nothing. That nigga ain't shit. Look at the dangers of being comfortable from Lawrence perspective. 

From what I see in this episode is that Lawrence is all talk and no walk. He seems like the type that watches motivational videos on youtube all day, talk about dreams everyday, writes long facebook posts about reaching his dreams, has one of those dumb ass vision boards, writes numerous business plans but there's only one problem. He never starts. Deep down he's a bum and he's lazy as fuck. He probably types out long ass motivational posts about doing shit then after he hits send he proceeds to watch 8 hours of "Mad Men" followed by 6 hours of playing X-Box.  

While he's comfortable going to the Redbox at the 7/11 Issa is messaging and creeping on her ex boyfriend Facebook page. He's comfortable because he believes she doesn't have the nerve to leave him and he may be right. If he was on his shit like a man should be Issa wouldn't even give her ex half a thought. When you comfortable in key situations you lose people and things you care for. Issa rehearsing how to tell another man to come get some of her pussy in the mirror while this loser probably just finished a complete season of some bullshit on Netflix. 


This is a tough question for me. It's implied on the show that Molly's standards are way too high but what could her standards really be? She probably just want a man with his shit together. All men should have their shit together or striving to get their shit together. That's not really a high standard. Everyone wants someone with a good head on their shoulders. I don't think standards matter I think people just want to be with someone they can be themselves around. Someone can meet all your standards doesn't mean that the relationship will work so that makes me believe that they don't really matter. 


Molly's coworker gets engaged and she goes on this rant about she's better than her and how is it even possible that her coworker got engaged before she did. Yes Molly looks better, has a better position within the company they work for, a brighter future but guess what? MEN DON'T GIVE A FUCK! We are neanderthals. We just want a woman who cook, nasty, and don't talk our ears off. All that shit Molly was talking about is just icing on the cake but that shit don't really interest us. Looks, status, and money cool but in the end it always comes down to how you make a person feel. 


Self explanatory. Hell isn't fun. 


I feel I'm learning a bit more about my black queens watching "Insecure." Of course not every woman is like Issa and Molly but this still feels like something I need to watch to understand the women in my culture better because they're the most misunderstood women in America. Possibly the world. Insecure provides great commentary for me to see what black women feel and the obstacles they go through. 

Watch "Insecure." It's worth it.