I've been getting requests for more relationship posts so the wishes have been granted today.
This relationship shit not hard. I'm not even trying to be funny. I'm serious. Relationships are easy. You've just dealt with a lot of lame bitches or fuck niggas and they made it seem like it was hard.
Anyway this is how to make a relationship work.
A relationship full of trash food and trash food choices ain’t never lasted. It’s shooting 0 for 96509605 from the field. If you not eating good then your limbs weak and if your limbs weak then your brain gets weak and when your brain gets weak you do dumb shit. Do you and your partner a favor and eat some good healthy shit and some bad shit that taste good. I don’t give a fuck how pretty a woman is or if her vagina taste like Cinnamon Toast Crunch on a Saturday morning. I’m not interested in a relationship where I’m malnourished and getting insufficient amounts hood spot foods. I like the fancy food spots too… nah fuck that I’m lying. Fuck them white square plates with those preschooler portions of food with drizzle on em. There’s No country for Instagram thot meals my pal. I need food trucks, middle class food spots, and hood food spots. I like my chicken to be next door to a place I can buy a single Newport cigarette if I smoked and a crackhead out in front of it like a mascot. Pain and love go into preparing that food. Be smart and travel with your partner and do a world tour of every fire food spot in the world. Now from my side of things making sure your woman not hungry should be a default priority. If you confused on why she mad don’t even try to figure that shit out cause you won’t until she tells you herself and even then that might not even be half of it. Just go get her some food and listen. Start there.
All great relationships have the curiosity factor. If the person you’re with doesn’t make you curious about the right shit then congrats your bag of chips just got stuck in the vending machine. If your partner isn’t curious about life then congrats coleslaw touched the food on your plate. A curious partner is someone that takes ideas from place to place and they’re almost always open to new things and always have a fresh perspective that you can appreciate. The curious partner is generally where they want to be in life. They usually have the right circle of friends. Have a great and supportive family. Life is just natural and enjoyable and that will rub off onto the relationship if you don’t act like a bitch and just let it happen. Curious relationships have less aggression. Less pressure. The relationship won’t be suffocating. Communication won’t feel like a burden. It’ll actually be deeper and have more meaning. I don’t want a relationship that’s like me watching Friday and I’m able to recite every word of it without the sound on. Curiosity makes things unpredictable in a positive way.
YOUR FAVORITE DRINKING PARTNER
In a relationship your significant other should be your favorite drinking partner. It’s gonna be the person you’re spending majority of your time with so it’s critical that you can tolerate each others drunkeness. My lady gotta be prepared for me to be like Kanye off the Henny at the VMA’s or me off the dusse throwing up gang signs like I’m still out running in the streets and still want smoke but in reality I don’t want no smoke and I just wanna make it home to watch “Fixer Upper” on HGTV. I don’t really wanna use my gun in real life. It’s only for clout. I’m too elegant and captivating for beef. Long story short my shorty need to be ready to start the car at any given moment and we’ll make it to the crib and laugh about it. I need my woman to be off the liquor rapping Moneybag Yo and Lil Baby lyrics to me like lullabies and publicly executing all the dances on me she practiced in front of the mirror in the crib during my absence. I also want her to drunkily whisper in my ear “Nigga you don’t deserve me. Buy me Waffle House after we leave here and give me some dick and leave me alone until it’s time to eat again in the morning.” That’s real romance I need in my life. Drinking with your partner should be an event every time. The entertainment you provide for each other should be on Rob And Big marathon while smoking trees kinda levels.
SHIT NEED TO BE COMEDY
If the person you with not goofy then you’ll see nothing but sadness for the foreseeable future. I’m talking bout the good goofy not the bitch nigga goofy. You understand me? They just not for you. You need a partner who you can have inside jokes with. When your sense of humor on same wave then you likely won’t offend each other. You ever see a person that looks like they’re in the sunken place in a relationship? It’s because they partner not goofy. They partner not getting them jokes off. They relationship is one big hotep conversation. It’s a Joe Budden album. Nothing but depression. If they don’t make you laugh on the first date get rid of em. They're trash.
KEEP YOUR PHONE ON YOU
For all my niggas just keep it on you homie. I don’t want y’all to die. She don’t care if you were attacked by wolves. Don’t leave your phone in the car.
LET A MUHFUCKA BE THEMSELVES
I see too many people try to change people in relationships to a image they claim they weren’t looking for in the first place. If your partner don’t like working out and you do well take your happy ass to the gym and let them do them. If they wanna go with you then they’ll go. If they like certain entertainment and you not feeling it then just shut the fuck up about it and let them enjoy their shit. It be little silly shit that don’t even matter that people try to change. If it ain’t nothing emotionally or physically damaging going on then you shouldn’t be trying to change shit. There’s so many outside factors in the world outside of your bond that will try to change both of you everyday. Whether it’s work, school, whatever. It feels good to come to someone who you know you can be yourself around without any judgement. Don’t change shit for me. I’m here with you for a reason. If anything should change it should be the level up. It’ll keep getting higher and higher.
Nobody want someone who always selling themselves short. You’ll know if someone not confident before it even get to a relationship level. Confidence will always be attractive on both sides. I’m talking about confidence in a sense that I don’t need you and you don’t need me but we dope as fuck together and we’re both aware of that fact. If you with a person that NEEDS you that sound like some sad stalker shit. People with no confidence in relationships always seeking approval and attention from mothafuckas outside of what y’all got going on and they super needy and that neediness is gonna gas up their insecurity and make them even more intolerable. When you with someone who’s confident that energy is infectious and you’ll both feel like you can get through anything. Confident people stand on their word and walk it if need be.
If you both agreed to be committed to each other exclusively then stand on it. If you both agreed to have open relationship and fuck with other people then stand on it. Shit not difficult. Whatever y’all discussed about commitment that’s what yall stay true to. I’m not against cheating. If you gonna do it then do it. I really don’t give a fuck. I’m only against lying about it. But the courteous thing to do for other people is to be upfront and break off the commitment that was in place the “proper” way. Communicate and be clear. Real shit though… it’s not hard to be committed to one person. After all a nigga like me been through that shit a breeze. Commitment not as hard as we make it seem. We’re just selfish creatures.