Man I'm high and listening to this bomb ass "6 Years Of Soulection" mix. Damn near almost threw my Macbook that's how fire it is. Just had to share that with you before I start this shit.
It's out my system.
I'm in Houston for my brother's wedding nervous as fuck listening to him and my sister in law say their vows to each other. I'm only nervous because of all the people in the audience staring. I'm cussing myself out in my head like...
"Damn, you fuck nigga you couldn't get your hair retwisted for your brother wedding? You trifling!"
They weren't looking at my ugly ass anyway so I don't know what I nervous for.
In their vows they talked about friendship and zombies (My brother did that) but friendship stood out to me.
You usually hear the word friendship when you hear vows at weddings. It's some important shit. More important than the actual relationship.
Here are the reasons that both individuals in the relationship should embrace the friendzone first before taking that leap.
We all front in the beginning stages of dating. You want to do almost anything to impress the person you like. It's this weird pressure that's present and it really doesn't need to be. The pressure to be the perfect candidate for that individual.
When you're just friends. You're loose. You're more raw. Shit just flows. You're more likely to say what you really feel and not hold anything back. You see that person's personality raw and uncut. There's no fronting.
The building of the friendship helps you understand your potential mate better.
What usually happens is we meet. Couple texts. Few dates. Intimacy then it's fuck it we might as well be together. We've been going on dates for 2-3 months. I'm not saying that way doesn't work but you tend to have a smoother relationship if you were legitimate friends first. You know who you're dealing with firsthand. No frontin.
SKIP THE AWKWARD BULLSHIT
This person is already your friend so you've already gone through all that shit. They know your family already. They know your other friends already. I mean y'all probably already smoked, drank, and did cool shit together all that tension and awkwardness is gone because you were already friends.
When you go to the first family function as an actual couple all you gone do is smoke, drink, eat good, and listen to family members say they predicted that y'all would be together. You can continue comfortably flaming and talking shit to each other like nothing changed.
I'm bad at meeting families because I'm quiet so they think that I'm stuck up because I'm quiet. So shit gets awkward when I'm first introduced. I would love for all of us to skip that.
LIKE > LOVE
Couples just jump into shit and think that it's meant to be so they get married, move in with each other and all that good shit and then realize .....
"I love this muhfucka but I don't like this muhfucka."
Yes it's possible. Just think of a family member that you love but you can't be around each other longer than an hour because you can't ever get along. You love them but you don't like them.
See if you were friends first you would know if you actually "LIKE" a person.
I don't know if I'll ever get married not because I don't want to but because I don't really think of it too much but I have a fear of being with a woman and I love her but I don't like her.
It's deeper than physical attraction. Of course I'll fuck the shit out of a attractive woman. I'm a man and we're visual creatures but I can do all that shit and not like you. It's just getting a nut off. Compatibility matters.
Sex is never enough. For a teenager maybe but for adults? Nope. It's just icing on the cake of the relationship. If the sex is good but a woman doesn't fulfill me in other areas of the relationship then we won't last.
You wanna know what my dream relationship would be like? Let me paint this picture.
"Damn I've been in New York for a week dealing with meetings. My woman is in another city handling her business. I miss talking to my woman face to face."
Very simple. I want to actually enjoy my woman's company. Hear her talk or shut the fuck up together while we work on our business and occasionally look up at each other from our laptops, smile and talk random shit to each other. Why? Because we LIKE to each other.
It's hard to dislike someone you have a established friendship with. Don't do it backwards by thinking love first, like second. No.
I want to like my mate more than I love them.
SENSE OF HUMOR
Your friends have the same sense of humor as you. It's rare that you meet friends with a different sense of humor. Your sense of humor is usually your common ground.
You guys were friends before you dated so most likely you laugh at the same shit. You know each other's limits. Laughter is so fucking important.
I've dated a woman who didn't laugh at the same shit as I do. I just stopped contacting her. I ghosted. Yes a asshole move on my part but I did us both a favor. It would've ended with me telling her she's boring as fuck to her face and I didn't want to do that. I think she reads my blog so if you see this my fault. If you wanna smoke or something I'll share a joint with you. =)
There's no nervousness. There's no searching for shit to say. No interview style questions. You already know each other very well. So the first date will be fuego. You already know each other's taste so you're going to go do some dope shit.
Things will be easier because you both know that you have a lot of things in common.
When you have something to get off your chest who do you go to? Your friends. When you want to vent your friends are there for you. Why? It's because a friend is easy to talk to and they understand you.
Conversations with your friend/partner won't be difficult to have. You've been here before. It's already been established before the relationship that if you ever need a heart to heart that you will be there for each other.
YOU'RE WEIRD BUT THAT'S WHY I LIKE YOU
When you're friends first you already know why your significant other is they way they are. Why they do annoying shit. Why they do cool shit. Why they have O.C.D when it comes to keeping shit clean. You're aware already so it won't bother you at all like it would a random person because you already know how to deal with it. You know where it stems from.
You know what makes each other tick.
Your dating history. You both are already familiar with it and what gives you both an advantage for longevity is that you can avoid the shit each of your ex's did that pissed you off and ruined your previous relationships.
You are also familiar with how you each interact with other people. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat others.
I'm sure when friends even think about giving a relationship a shot they only do so because they know how good their friend was in previous relationships. They're not crazy, abusive, dishonest, etc.
You don't have to sit and talk about the past much because you both were front row and center for each other.
All my friends I trust with my life. Never fell out with any of them because one thing I'm good at is peeping who is real and who not bout shit. I'm undefeated at that shit. If I say you not shit you will prove me right sooner or later. You can't fool me.
When your friendship is established the foundation of the relationship is built. The trust is already in place. The transition to the relationship isn't shaky. Both of you aren't unsure about taking that step. You trust each other already. Trust in my opinion is the hardest thing to establish in a relationship.
Imagine having that bond with your significant other. Everything means so much more and a bit more special when you're with someone who you can trust, someone you respect, and someone who is reliable. It's a great feeling.
Not saying that being friends before dating always works. You may not be compatible in that way and find out that you're better off going back to being just friends but it really doesn't hurt to focus on being friends before taking that next step. Nothing wrong with taking your time.
Well.... I dunno what to say so.....The End.....Here's lovers and friends.