YOU'RE STRONG & YOU'RE WEAK

So all of last week throughout my busy schedule whenever I had down time meaning time my daughter would allow me to do any hobby I like because she’s the boss. Like clockwork I’d hop on YouTube and I was just watching videos of Khabib Nurmagomedov. 

Khabib is a former mixed martial artist in the UFC who retired undefeated last year because of a promise he made to his mother which was he would not fight without his father by his side. Khabib father passed away due to complications of covid and his father only missed one fight which was Khabib’s final fight. Khabib’s father was involved in every step of his life and was also a former combat sports athlete as well. 

Khabib the toughest mothafucka I ever seen I mean there’s YouTube footage of him as a child wrestling a bear but the thing that I admire about Khabib is his loyalty to his loved ones, his charity, his will, his determination, his strong belief system and how it never waivers. He’s very serious about his religion and I’m not religious in the slightest but I admire how he doesn’t force it on others. He’s just concerned with his family. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He never fights through Ramadan. Money doesn’t motivate him or move him. He’s always had this goal and it was to be UFC champion. 

I noticed something when watching all these videos of Khabib. He was undefeated in mixed martial arts but he took losses outside of the cage. There have been moments in Khabib’s life where he has been defeated. Khabib is the strong one in his circle. His loved ones look to him for everything. Guidance. Financial opportunities. Spirituality. Fighting. Everything. I started coming across videos where Khabib couldn’t make weight requirements for fights and he’s literally suffering so his fight would be cancelled. He was responsible for the biggest outside brawl in UFC history where he beat Conor McGregor then hopped out of the cage and attacked Conor’s camp in the stands. 

We saw Khabib show weakness and show that you’re not strong everyday. You wont make the right decisions everyday. You wont be reliable everyday. No matter if you’re the strongest in the group you’re going to have those days, those weeks, shit even months where you’re just not strong. It’s because as humans we’re both weak and strong. We need both to remind us of who we are.

And that is okay. We’re all strong and weak.

I always heard the phrase “The weight of the world on their shoulders” and I would always think “The world doesn’t belong there. Why has society picked someone’s shoulders to place the planet on?” It’s not fair to anybody whether they’re strong, weak, or in between. It’s not only the world either. Sometimes it’s some bullshit that someone has brought into your space that you didn’t ask for and your peace is disturbed and you’re the one left picking up the pieces while everyone else involved gets to heal while judging you on how you pick up those pieces that they brought to you. 

We as humans have a tendency to look at strong individuals in our lives as “tools” because the problems we ask them to fix they make it look easy but we always neglect the toll it takes on them mentally which if their mental is being worn down then their spirit is next then the body will suffer and they will not be as mobile physically and all it is left is a shell of themselves and they’re officially broken down. 

The task of being the strong friend or being the person that has their life together comes with this unfair burden because why are we rating each other in terms of strength or weakness? Why aren’t we basing it on humanity and being a good individual? Being labeled the strong friend or the strong family member is given by other people and not yourself. Nobody asks to be the strong person for others. If they have love for you they just help whenever they’re able to. They don’t say “Welp that makes me the strong friend.”

I look at my loved ones as my loved ones. I don’t pick one out and say he or she is the strong one. It’s because we all go through shit. I may be a lot of things but the one thing I know I am is loyal and supportive the only time I’m not is if you’ve done something that I feel went against that. So if you’re dishonest with me I won’t dislike you and I’ll still be loyal to you in terms of never speaking bad on your name but you will not have the same access to me you’ve once had. That’s why I never fell out with any friend ever in my life. I know how to reciprocate. It’s all about partnership. I will not bring baggage to my friends. If I do put something on their plate I’m going to ask them that they trade me something off their plate that I can help with. Not only because we got love for each other but because it’s the right thing to do.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to need help but you can’t just interrupt people lives because you feel they can handle it. This way of thinking will just lead to resentment and fall outs. It’s not healthy for all parties involved. I have this obsession with telling people “NO” does that make me strong? No. It just means I’m not doing that shit. A person who is afraid to say “NO” isn’t weak. They’re just a nice person and they have a filter on saying no to people. Some people believe saying “No” will lead to confrontation and it’s nothing wrong with hating confrontation. It doesn’t make you weak you just don’t like putting energy towards confrontation.

Just because somebody you know has money does not give you the right to bring every money problem to them. Just because a person has a truck doesn’t mean you volunteer their truck out to everybody who needs truck space. Just because someone has a 4 bedroom house does not mean it’s cool to use their space as storage or as a hotel whenever you feel like it. You don’t know what those people are going through. They could’ve had a rough week and look forward to relaxing and dumping your problems on their plate is the last thing they need. 

We have to fix that behavior cause it’s straight up trash. Especially when sometimes people feel like they’re entitled to your time, your strength, or whatever you own. Entitlement is selfish and the number one tactic entitled people do is try to make people feel selfish and make them feel guilt for not moving how they want them to move. Just because a person can carry what you’re throwing at them doesn’t mean it’s healthy for them to carry it. The goal is to always keep the strong people in your life healthy and make their life easier not break them down to the point they resent knowing you. A lot of our strength comes from our community and the people who have access to us and if that person is carrying all your weight along with their own how long you think they will last? Every suicide we see the same shit is always said. “Check on your strong friends.” No. Check on all your friends. Why you skipping over a friend you deem strong to check on your weaker friends? It makes no sense. Check on all your friends. Fuck strong. Fuck weak. Just check period.

Even if you relate to anything above guess what? You’re strong regardless. Not because of how much shit you can take but because you’re still here. We’re all strong. We’re all weak. It’s life.

I go to the gym 4 days a week. There’s days I’m killing it. I’m hitting every rep hard. I’m getting through my sets with the right form. I’m feeling great. Then there’s days I can’t lift anything. I can barely get through my sets. I used to get discouraged because I felt like I let myself down but I learned how to tell myself on those days that “You weren’t strong today Benny but that’s okay. Rest. Write down how many reps you did in the set. Get better next time.” 

Yes you’re strong but strong people get weak too. Strong and weak people have problems too. Strong and weak people have doubts.

You weren’t strong today, or tomorrow or a month from now and that’s cool because you’re strong and you’re weak. We all have limits and vices. The beauty of it is that we all are working towards the get back, the bounce back, the happiness, the feeling of loving yourself even more. It takes strength to continue on after breaking down even if you’re not the same it doesn’t matter. As long as there’s movement you will get somewhere. If I start walking no matter my pace there will always be a destination in the end. 

Peace. Benny

Here’s a fire 1 minute story of Khabib’s career. It’s inspiring as fuck.

Twitter: @jayjaybenny

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