YOU'RE LIVING LIFE WRONG
I am at a stage in life where I am okay with uncovering the lies about life that I believed. There were so many lies about life that I held onto. Why did I hold onto those lies? I guess because I misread the point of purpose. I was obsessed with always searching for my purpose in life.
Am I supposed to be a family man? Am I supposed to be an artist? Am I supposed to be rich? Am I supposed to be a manager at Dick’s Sporting Goods? Am I supposed to be a monk? Am I supposed to be a writer? I’m a thinker so all I did was obsess over purpose.
I realized that I do have a purpose. The problem I had is that I kept trying to attach purpose to a title, to a transformation, to a status. When really I should’ve been attaching purpose to nothing. My purpose is to just live. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going and that’s the beautiful thing about life. I used to be obsessed about getting somewhere. I used to be worried about the destination.
You know the quote, “It’s about the journey not the destination.”
Well the problem with that quote is that it was a trick. It really isn’t about the destination but the journey is also bullshit too because life isn’t a journey either. Life is a game. You’re supposed to be playing but instead of playing you were following a map, following what has been conditioned in you. Following what you think leads you to success. Following what you think achieves you the status you desire. Following a narrative you believe should define your life. Following the role you believe you should have in life. Following what you believe is the fairy tale.
What if I told you that you were already living the fairy tale before you achieved what you thought was your fairy tale? The fact that you don't need permission to have a heart beat is the greatest fairy tale ever created and you take it for granted. You know why you take it for granted? It’s because you fear that you are not enough and that fear eats at you everyday.
When you fear that you’re not enough you place all your belief in titles, roles and achievements to fill the void that you feel in yourself. You think this is what will bring you peace.
What happens when you achieve those goals? Another goal has to take its place or it will all crumble. Complacency starts to set in. You start to look at the next new shiny toy and you have to reset and go after that new shiny toy. All you’re doing is chasing. Chase, Chase, Chase and the outcome is that you’re too busy chasing instead of enjoying playing the game we call life or you get burnt out from chasing security and legacy in whatever circle or field you occupy. You are chasing because you believe that life owes you meaning and without that meaning you feel you are not worthy of joy.
We are taught to hustle and it’s the dumbest shit we've ever been taught because hustle is anti-life. Don’t get me wrong you hustle and work hard for a car, a roof over your head, provide for your family that’s understandable but after that you either love it in way the hustle makes you feel alive or you feel like you’re running on a hamster wheel and you’re looking around at your surroundings and you feel like you’re failing at life. You’re only failing at life because you’re not playing. We’ve all seen the movie “Friday.” Craig was wrong. Smokey walked up and down the streets playing but that’s the way life should be lived. Now of course don’t steal trees from the neighborhood drug dealer but playing is what Smokey should’ve been doing.
Everybody wanna be somebody. You spend your life trying to become someone. You spend your life playing the role you feel fits you. You’re running from the real. You traded what makes you authentic for an identity that was created and based on other people's identities.
We strive everyday for completion. Whether it’s money, love, respect, companionship, houses or any external things we look for to complete us the greatest trick that we play on ourselves is not realizing that we were never incomplete. We were complete the moment we took our first breath. Nothing outside of us will be able to ever complete us. Why do you think loving yourself is so important? You can have everything you desired and still be depressed.
It’s funny, I created a label called “TreeVilla Records” and part of the name was inspired by my obsession with trees. Not weed trees but actual trees and what makes trees interesting to me is that a tree isn’t worried about other trees. The tree just grows and provides oxygen and cleans the air on this planet. I used to be really obsessed with earning strangers respect with the music I wrote and performed. Always telling myself that I have to show people that I’m really that guy when it comes to music.
When I thought that way I realized that I wasn’t making music for myself anymore, I was making music for the people I was trying to prove something to. It wasn’t fun anymore. I lost the plot which was just to enjoy the ride. I create music because it feels right. I don’t know where it will take me. I don’t really care. I create it cause I just do. There’s no map. There’s no right or wrong way for me. There’s no journey. It’s just the music and my curiosity.
We were living life wrong. Life is unpredictable and we try our hardest everyday to make it predictable. Instead of trying to make it predictable we should enjoy living in its unpredictable nature.
Love, Benny
