Name: Arnold Shortman (I believe that's his last name) 

Date Of Birth: October 7, 1987 (9 years old during series, 28 today) 

Hometown: Hillwood City (Basically Seattle, Portland, and New York combined)

Occupation: Neighborhood Optimist & Sunset Arms Rent Collector (Today he's probably a ambassador, owns parts of Netflix, has a lit tumblr page, with an extensive Jazz Vinyl collection)

Day One Homie: Gerald Martin Johanssen (Arnold's Shooter)

Bae's: Helga Pataki (Most likely Wifey today) , Lila Sawyer (Former Bae) , Ruth McDougal (She's a thot, looks like a sack of ashy elbows, and in Arnold's DM's today. Classic life after high school fall off.) , Miss Felter (She's a divorced Cougar today) 

Who knew a show about a 9 year old idealist would be in the Top 5 things god created next to St.Louis Chinamen Rice and quiet women and the reason I've cancelled dates to chill and watch? I'm a choose Hey Arnold over you. I'm not afraid to lose you (Future Voice).  7 Reasons why Hey Arnold > You. 


I like different things. Hey Arnold is the epitome of diversity and culture. Arnold is a white kid with a black best friend (Gerald) I think that's tight. It doesn't stop there, Bartlett really tries to cover all bases in this series. Phoebe is Asian. Lorenzo is Hispanic. Nadine is Mixed (White Father and Black Mother). Harold is Jewish. Oskar Kokoshka is Czechoslovakian. Park is Korean. You get the picture. I think it's very important that as a child watching this show that I seen all these characters from different backgrounds and cultures interacting with each other through good and bad times during the series. Unfortunately in reality a lot of children don't get to see or experience this because we live in a country that's so divisive. I love the fact that Craig Bartlett did this for a cartoon. I can't even think of a television show with actual humans that does this. Only one I can think of in recent memory without the story taking place under negative circumstances like prison is "Master Of None" with Aziz Ansari. 


There were episodes that dealt with the subject of social class like "The Cool Party" or "Rhonda Goes Broke"  episodes or the "Arnold's Room" episode with Sid afraid to show Lorenzo his room because his family wasn't rich like Lorenzo's. I love how Craig Bartlett put these situations of social class in the series because I believe every kid has been in one of the three classes (Lower, Middle, Upper) so they can relate to this. Arnold was in the lower class living in a boarding house but his best friend Gerald was clearly in the middle class in a 4 bedroom home with both parents present which sadly is rare amongst the black community today. The social classes were different but had no effect on their friendship. Rhonda was a rich, spoiled brat but her best friend was Nadine. A girl obsessed with nature from a middle class family with hipster parents. They're complete opposites in terms of interests and background but they're great friends. Helga was upper class mainly because her father was the owner and king of a beeper empire. Lila was from a single parent lower class home. They survived on cans of beans but she carried herself in such a joyous manner to the point where the other girls at school had no clue she was poor. Sid was in the lower class but Lorenzo from the upper class didn't care he liked Sid because Sid was a cool guy. This really just showed me, Fuck Money, Homies are Homies.


How many episodes of "MTV Cribs" have we've seen? Hundreds right? How many of the bedrooms we saw from millionaires even came close to Arnold's room? Zero. Bruce Wayne's Bat cave not even touching Arnold's room. A remote control that controls everything in the room from his stereo system to a collapsible couch. Studio Lights. He can pull up his stairs. The kid's fucking ceiling is the sky. THE FUCKING SKY. He can go out his trapdoor to chill on the roof or sneak honey's through it for some HBO GO and chill. He has his own alarm clock that says his name. The room decor is just really psychedelic with a 70's vintage feel but urban at the same time. My ultimate goal is to create a room just like Arnold's. I just think it's funny that Arnold is poor but has a better room than the rich kids Rhonda or Lorenzo. In the words of Dom Kennedy "Just cause you got money don't mean you have style." 


We were all introduced to the friendzone by Hey Arnold. We can't really dispute this. You could say "Family Matters" but Laura didn't even want to be Steve Urkel's friend on top of not wanting to be in a relationship with him. Fuck that show anyway, We're talking about "Hey Arnold." I've been there. You've been there. I don't really think the friendzone is bad. I just finesse the woman who friendzoned me into my wingman but that's another subject for another day. Helga kind of shows us the friendzone first. She's secretly obsessed with Arnold. The bubble gum Arnold shrine in her closet. The locket with Arnold's picture inside. The little pink book of poetry dedicated to Arnold with a lock of Arnold's blonde hair taped in it. Just some super creepy shit. Whenever Helga is brought up to Arnold in a romantic manner Arnold laughs it off or immediately he gets sad because he doesn't see her in that light. She is his bully. The girl has been tormenting him since preschool so that's understandable. The other reason is that Arnold attention is usually on another girl thus placing Helga in the *cues evil music* Friendzone. While Helga is there, Arnold is accompanying her there because of Lila. Arnold's case is special because Lila was bae. He had her on some fluke shit but decided to breakup with her but then just like every man does he took her for granted and realized he really "liked her liked her" and wanted her back. She. Wasn't. Going. For. That. Shit. Arnold was trying everything in his power to escape from the friendzone, he had a better chance of seeing me gain white privilege. I admire his courage. Arnold was never afraid to shoot his shot. He was very persistent. Lila even started dating Arnold's cousin Arnie and that's when i knew that Lila wasn't shit. He finally gave up on Lila when Gerald's little sister Timberly asked Arnold "Did anyone ever hurt your feelings?" and Arnold turned and looked at Lila with saddest face equivalent to the Michael Jordan crying face. He knew deep down in his heart she wasn't the one. Arnold's love life is so shitty but it sucks because he's such a cool kid. The crushes he has don't like him back or they're just terrible people who use him (Summer and Ruth). If it wasn't for Hey Arnold we'd have no clue what a true friendzone was. 


If I could have someone score the music for my life and the activities I do in life. I would want it to be Jim Lang. The soundtrack of this series is just so smooth especially the end credits. Arnold is really into Jazz and old swing music, plays the harmonica and listens to it frequently throughout the series and even mentioned he listens to Thelonious Monk. How could you not love that? The mixture of Jazz, Swing, and Funk was really blended well with the show. It just fits. Everybody needs to listen to more Jazz. 


Lets do a list. 

- A kid who doesn't leave his stoop. 

- A weirdo who lives in the sewer amongst rats and loves Chess. 

- A man obsessed with pigeons. 

- A Grandmother who has very crazy imagination. 

- A man who fights crime as a monkey.

- A man who's entire life is anonymous even to his roommates. 

- A boy obsessed with Chocolate like crack. 

- A deranged Ice Cream Man who hates kids. 

- A 9 year old psychopath who clearly never received help. 

- A 9 year old with 2 stomachs according to Urban Legends. 

All these people are weird and I love it. Life could never be dull with these people around. I wish I knew a kid obsessed with Chocolate like Chocolate Boy. A person who goes ape shit if he can't get a snickers. Pure entertainment. Bartlett created them weird but what makes it dope is in their featured episodes Bartlett shows the struggles they have to be accepted by society and in the end shows how they're just normal people with special talents or traits with feelings just like everyone else. They're human. 


A critical theme in the series. Arnold is a kind, optimistic, 9 year old who solves problems. They go to Arnold for everything. Adults go to Arnold with their problems so it's safe to say Arnold is a special kid. He has the rare ability to still see the good in anyone despite how bad they treat him or others. He just doesn't give up. Episodes like "Crabby Author", or his inability to give up on Lila despite constant rejection are great examples of this. There's a quote from Arnold that I love. Gerald asks him "Why do you always have to look on the bright side?" Arnold simply says "Somebody has to." It sums up Arnold's personality. He is the glue for all his friends and everything around him. When he's not around to give advice chaos happens and everything falls apart. He just does the right thing no matter what. He's had a few slip up's but his heart is always in the right place. We can learn a great deal from Arnold's approach to problems. Just keep calm, trust your homies, help others, and believe that everything will be alright. Arnold a real one. 

I'm done. 7 reasons why I cancelled our plans to do some shit I wasn't interested in anyway. 

- Benny