When I was entering my teenage years I always had this urgency to belong to something. I just wanted to be apart of what "they" were doing. I didn't even know what that "something" was. I just wanted to belong.
I don't belong to shit anymore. I'm Benny and I don't know shit. That's one of the absolute truths of life. All that you read from me is MY perception of reality. The other absolute truth is even if me and you agree on something, the path you and I traveled to arrive to our agreed conclusion is different.
Oooooooh Benny The Philosophical Head Ass Nigga.
Okay moving along.
There's a war that's been going on way before I even existed. It's the war on anyone that lives in the right side of their mind.
They (Whoever the fuck "They" is) have been trying to kill creativity in any way possible.
Plot twist though. I'm seeing suicides every fucking day. Some intentional. Some not.
Humans killing their creativity. A sad sight to see.
We're all born creative but do we remain creative is the issue.
Here are some things that kill creativity.
If you're creating for recognition you won't get very far. You're creating for others not yourself. When I used to do music one of the reasons why that shit was a nightmare for me personally is that I was focused on how I would get "discovered."
I cared that people was not paying attention to my art. Why does that even fucking matter? You're supposed to be doing this for you. If the attention doesn't come, then what? The shit you created will feel like a waste because you were banking on something outside of pleasing yourself.
This blog exists because I love to write about shit I love. The end.
If recognition comes without you chasing it then fine. If it doesn't, then fine. It's all about your creativity. Recognition kills creativity because it's a control tactic. Ever since you were a child anything you did great I'm sure an adult in your life wanted you to be recognized for it instead of asking you what, how, and most importantly WHY you created what you created.
Now it's instilled in you that recognition matters. Now as a child every time you created something you looked for recognition first instead of your love for it and if you didn't get the recognition then you felt as if your creativity is worthless and then get discouraged.
Creating for recognition is like begging. What the fuck you begging for acceptance for? You feel if you get the recognition then you're doing something right? Creativity is perception don't ever forget that. Create because you love to do it.
When I turned 12 years old I never sniffed a 3.0 GPA ever again. Report cards always full of F's and my momma would just get so pissed. She couldn't understand what happened. It's simple.
School was a waste of my time.
Once I learned that, I never put effort towards school again.
Sitting and learning about slave owners who are praised as American heroes isn't really my thing. They presented everything to me but the things I need to survive in life. School never taught me anything worth knowing.
School is repetitive and I dislike repetitive things. Learning the same bullshit over and over again. I left school feeling stupid, not smarter.
You don't learn about mental health, loving others, self love, relationships, taxes, loans, the use of money, nature, etc. The important things.
School is a place where you practice to strengthen your memory. I remembered things but I never LEARNED anything. I'd take a test and the second I finished the test the shit I stayed up for nights studying left my brain faster than a deadbeat parent. The moment I handed my test in that shit left my mind. It's because it had no relevance to my cause or my life. It's empty information.
When you reach Kindergarten and start to get grades that's when they start to target a child's creativity. Making them color in the lines in not just the coloring books but in life. If you ever just watch children they're the most creative beings ever because they use 100% of the right side of their minds. There are no limits in their world.
School's focus on maybe 95% of the left side of your brain and 5% of the right side of your brain. The left side is logic, numbers, boring shit. The right side is your imagination.
They don't want you to be creative. They want you to be the bad C-Word. It's not the bad C-Word white folks always use. It's worse than that.
They want you to be a .......
Yup a citizen. Get your diploma. Get your degree. Be in debt from college. Get that job. Make money your religion. Big house. Obsess over power. Things that aren't meaningful.
Many may not agree but schools are in need of a serious update.
Pointless. Useless. It's like recognition. You're thinking about everything else but your art. Your purpose. What do you gain? Bragging rights? It's silly.
"Finite players play to beat the people around them. Infinite players play to be better than themselves." - Simon Sinek
Remember. Excellence > Dominance every fucking time.
Competition doesn't let you just "Be," and that's why I hate it. It doesn't let art have it's own identity. It doesn't matter who I feel makes the best art. Why can't I just enjoy creations for what they are?
I used to get caught up in it. Always comparing things. Joy never comes from comparison. Joy comes from bringing something to the world from your mind and soul that wasn't here previously.
Saying what's the best is not worth it. It's more divisive than anything.
You always have to have your guard up when you compete and that shit is annoying. I like to chill and just let things flow.
It's not about who's better or not. It's about us celebrating the gift of all of us being unique in our own way. It's what creativity stands for.
It's one of the reasons why I fell back on music. I was always trying to have the best album of the year or outperform my peers. Why? You look at any other culture they don't give a fuck about that shit. They're too busy having fun creating what they love.
When it comes to creativity. When you compete. You lose.
Just focus on learning and growing as an artist instead of competing and comparing.
Ego is an anchor you don't want. It drags you down. It comes from your insecurity. Ego gets in the way of your potential and what could be your best creations.
The ego is the equivalent of talking just to talk. Loving the sound of your voice instead of learning and listening. The motive of the ego isn't pure. It constantly wants to be the "Belle of The Ball" and that's it. Nothing of substance.
When you let go of your ego you'll be surprised at how much you can learn and find interesting. You seriously become smarter when you drop your ego.
The greatest leaders I ever seen didn't have egos. That speaks volumes.
You know who can teach us how to get rid of egos? Dogs. A dog will love the fuck out of you no matter what. Whether if you're nice or mean to them. Scream at a dog and not even a minute later they're running back to you excited. Dogs aren't held hostage by hate. Their hearts are too pure. They love to love and not having ego allows them to do so. Only humans can make dogs act terribly.
Ego is fueled by everything outside of the creative space. When you see people with huge egos their fall is not far behind and their lives become sad. The universe humbles those with huge egos all the time.
LACK OF OPENNESS
The day I started writing was the day I became open to everything. I listen to everyone's ideas. It doesn't matter if I agree with them or not I'm still glad people share their ideas with me.
We all don't see the same even though we share the same reality. You may notice something I missed and that could help my creativity even more. Everyone has a perspective on things.
When you lack openness you're putting locks and chains on your creativity. You won't allow it to blossom. Don't put yourself in a box. EXPLORE physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Fuck Grammy's, Oscars, Emmy's, Nobel Peace Prizes, Trophies, all that shit kills creativity. Today those get put first then creativity is second. I used to be caught up in that shit but not anymore because they're useless.
Why you think when somebody win something they're so eager to put it in front of the creators name?
Oscar Award Winning Actor Leonardo DiCaprio!!!!!!!!!
Now he's respected? Like he wasn't a awesome actor regardless. They recognize a stupid gold statue more than his work. Leo was solidified before he got an Oscar. We have to break out of this stupid tradition.
Scarface never won a Grammy but he's one of the greatest rappers to ever grace a mic. An award doesn't define greatness.
Awards are just more recognition that don't mean shit when we die. "Grammy award winning artist" won't be placed on Kendrick Lamar's tombstone if he's buried when he dies. They'll remember the person and the creator he was, not the awards.
So if you don't receive awards for your work it wasn't great? An award is the child of recognition and competition that nobody should want. It's Damien (The Omen).
Creativity should be celebrated and can be without awards. Let's do that.
Money is a tool. It is not my life. It used to be the center of my life. When I was creating only to obtain money everything failed or I was miserable. Always envisioning myself walking red carpets in the future, Living in plush houses or condos never did any good for my creativity. It's a distraction from what is important. Joy.
Chase joy. Don't chase money.
All I think about is writing. I just love to do it. I write to play. To play is my goal. Working on writing is how I get to play. By playing I mean writing for a living and helping me survive as in paying my rent and shit like that.
Fuck work. I want to play. Writing is playing to me. It's my joy. Money doesn't do that for me. It can't fulfill me like writing does. Money isn't creative. Writing is. Money just destroys creativity and people.
I don't like rules. There are no rules to creativity. I'm a writer. I don't know what kind of writer. I don't really give fuck to ever know either. I just love to write about things I enjoy.
I don't write in a specific way. I never knew if there were any rules to writing. I can't even type properly. I just write what I feel and leave it at that.
When rules come into the realm of creativity it limits our imagination and the journey it can take us on. Create whatever you want with no rules and see how beautiful it looks.
Don't let these things destroy your creativity at any cost. The world needs it now more than ever.