Welp. I went to the movies again to see a film I've been waiting on for a while. Captain America Civil War. I don't really like reviewing movies the traditional way so I just post my random thoughts during my experience. Okay. Let's begin.
I GOT MY FUNNEL CAKE
When I went to see Batman v Superman Dawn Of JustASS (because that movie and experience really was ASS compared to this one). I didn't get Funnel Cake I got the cheese filled pretzel bites and they ran out of my favorite flavor Icee and of course everything sucked that night except for Wonder Woman. Not this time bitch! Funnel Cake? Check! Cherry Icee? Check! Dope fucking movie? Check! Check! Check! Funnel Cake is undefeated. If I don't get Funnel Cake the movie will suck. It's science.
I WANNA FUCK ELIZABETH OLSEN (SCARLET WITCH)
I don't have anything witty or funny to say. I just wanna fuck Elizabeth Olsen. She was highly underrated in this movie. Everyone is praising everyone in the movie but her. She did better in Civil War than she did in Avengers: Age Of BOREtron.
HEY! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT PEPPER POTTS.
Hey! I don't give a fuck about Pepper Potts.
WAR MACHINE IS POINTLESS
I'm sorry this guy should've died a long fucking time ago. He's the most pointless hero in this shit. Ask yourself this. Did you really give a fuck when he fell from the sky and got paralyzed? It's like you sitting in traffic because of a bad car accident after a long brutal day at work and you just want to get home to some leftovers you been thinking about all day and you see people are hurt. You try to actually care about the hurt people but deep down you don't give a fuck. You just want to get out of traffic. You just want to get home. That's War Machine presence in this movie.
ZEMO IS THE PERFECT VILLAIN
I really liked Zemo in this movie. He was pulling the Avengers strings and got them to implode from the inside. He played the fuck out of them and they didn't shove his character down our throats. Every scene he was in had a purpose. Every scene he was in had significance and they revealed his plan perfectly all the way at the end. It was the perfect execution. I loved the writing for him. Just a human manipulating The Avengers and United Nations.
THIS SOKOVIA SHIT MAKES NO SENSE
The whole Sokovia angle is weird. All of sudden documents are made up for heroes to sign immediately? Shit like that take months. Maybe even a year. Countries cant ever agree on shit. Then you have the bitch ass people complaining about destruction. Well would you rather the whole world blow up or just Sokovia? What the fuck are they supposed to do? Just let you die? Sorry lady that your son went to Sokovia for a fucking vacation and got killed in the process of The Avengers saving your life so you could be alive to shame and blame Tony Stark. Why didn't your son go to King Of Diamonds in Miami and see the finest of real and fake asses shaking in his face like a normal person?
I'M PROUD TO BE BLACK
When Black Panther arrived I swear never been more proud to be a black man. Chadwick done played every important nigga in history. Jackie Robinson. James Brown. Now Black Panther. I'm sure he's playing W.E.B DuBois next. Fuck it. Let him play Cyborg in the D.C Universe too. Black Panther's presence was perfect. The suit was dope as fuck. Malcolm X shed a single tear from heaven when he seen Black Panther doing Liu Kang Bicycle kicks in mid air and fucking everybody up. He had the best quotes of the movie too. "Vengeance has consumed you. It has consumed them. I'm done letting it consume me." I can't wait for his movie like the baked macaroni coming out the oven on Thanksgiving.
WE HAVE OUR SPIDER MAN! FINALLY!
PERFECT! PERFECT! PERFECT! He stole the show. The intellegence. The immaturity. The sarcasm. He was Peter Parker to a tee. You know what? Forget Scarlet Witch. I need Aunt May in my life. I need that cougar in my life immediately. I'll be Peter's new Uncle Ben. I hope the script for his solo movie is awesome because this kid knows how to be Peter Parker.
ANT-MAN WILL DO NUMBERS
I think people will be all in for the sequel. The screen time he had was hilarious. I think he earned a lot of new fans and the sequel will do crazy numbers.
WHY CAPTAIN AMERICA A BITCH ASS MUHFUCKA?
Why was he caping for Bucky so hard? He was swinging from his nuts like Tarzan. Bruh. He killed Tony parents. You got to let Tony have that fade with Bucky one on one. How you gone jump Iron Man and almost kill him for wanting to fuck up the man who killed his parents? He was a bitch for that. You knew about it too? Fuck Captain America dawg. When Thanos comes I can't wait til he gets that ass beat or killed. You know it's coming. Tony not letting that shit go and it will carry over to the Infinity War. Watch.
I enjoyed the fuck out of this movie. A few slow spots but thankfully they weren't in the middle of the movie. More towards the beginning. The airport fight scene will go down in history as one of the greatest fights in a superhero film. It was just a fun movie and I'm glad I spent my good money to see it.