Thursday. May 5th. I'm laying in my bed in the dark in complete silence. I'm just thinking about the four previous days and how good they were. I took a week off for myself. What I mean by taking a week off for myself is that I focused on working on new ideas for creative projects. I didn't want to be on social media. I didn't post or go on my website. I didn't want to see anyone's thoughts, opinions, or whatever unless they were expressed in person. This wasn't on some hateful shit. I just love myself and I felt I needed some well deserved creative me time. It was like I could finally breathe when I took this week for myself. I was just thinking about what I want to do with my future and what mistakes I have made in the past that may effect my future. All of a sudden this feeling came over me. The feeling you feel when you feel like you're forgetting something. I look at the time on my phone and it's 12:02am. May 6th. It's officially Friday and it hit me. JMSN's new album is now available. I open my iTunes store app and bought it. Grabbed my headphones and prepared to zone out.
I can't remember how I got into JMSN's music or how I came across his last album "Blue Album." I just remember hearing "Ends(Money)" somewhere and I just had to have that song and the album it came from. I don't know a lot about JMSN either. Close to nothing. I don't really want to know about him either. I just know he seems like a guy I'd like to smoke with. The music he has created I'm sure he was high while doing so. It definitely takes me on a high when I listen to it. I still play "Blue Album" religiously. It was some of the most soulful music I've heard in years. I was instantly a fan.
I don't want to review this album. I want to share how "It Is" made me feel. We always want to rate things. Everything has to have a grade. We always want to compare things and people. This singer is the next Janet Jackson. This rapper is the next Nas. Why can't they just be the next "Them?" We always have to have a list. This album is top 5 top 10 whatever. We always have to compare artists albums. This album is way better than this other album. No one just enjoys what they love without putting down what someone else is listening to. We always have to determine if a album is a classic immediately. Album only been out a month and it's a classic. Seriously, fuck the word "Classic." I officially hate that word because of rappers and hip-hop music. The word has no meaning to it anymore. If you have to tell me your album is a classic then it's not. I'm not on no high horse either. I'm guilty as charged for all that shit I just stated above but I'm off that shit now. Back to "It Is." I didn't want to tell anyone how I felt about this album immediately. I just wanted to keep those feelings to myself. I wanted to just vibe by myself and take the content in. I'm usually the first to run to twitter and tweet how incredible an album is after I hear it and give praises to the artist and their work immediately. I really wanted to just enjoy something without hearing anyone else's opinion of it even if I agree with that opinion. It helps me put my feelings about the art in perspective and learn about myself. I keep those feelings to myself just for a moment though. Now I'm ready to share how I feel.
If there's anything wrong with society today it's we either lie about how we feel or we hide how we feel. It's all comes from fear. Not to go too left field but think about racism. Racism is hard to tame because everyone is lying about how they feel or hiding how they feel. The government won't admit that they want to keep black people oppressed so they hide and lie about those feelings by creating laws to do that deed. Anyway. Forget numbers. Forget money. Forget if the music was played properly. Forget If someone was rapping off beat or singing off key. How did it make you feel? Good or bad. I just want feelings to matter in everything again.
The first line that jumped out to me from this album was "I could die for love and be satisfied." I knew after I heard that line on the intro track I wouldn't get more than 4 hours of sleep. I really agree with that line. Call me crazy but I love, love. I love it that much. It's some people that have that same loyalty towards me. There's some that don't but I can relate to that line a great deal. I knew that I would play this album straight through. I didn't even look at the track list on my first full listen. I just let the album play. As each song plays I'm learning more and more about myself and that's the sign of a great artist and a great album. The first few tracks were about what we're all guilty of. Complaining. I was just complaining about my writing and job hours prior to laying down and listening to this album. I was complaining about my writing not being on a level I see fit and well, how my job sucks but after heard the first couple of songs I realized that I have the power to change all of that. I have the power to write everyday and get better. I have to power to get paid for what I love to do. It's all possible. I've only been writing since December and my problem is that I want instant gratification and want everything to come to me quickly. I have no patience. It's like JMSN sang, "You're the only one holding yourself down" and "Everyone of us are free to be what we want to be." I smiled hearing the song "Power" because it came right on time and I really needed the message. We really do have the power.
Life is hard and it's not going to get easier. "Fuck U" was the song that spoke to my spirit the most on this album. JMSN sings "Stop complaining. Start Understanding." Man Look. Stop complaining. Start understanding. The realest shit I've ever heard and will officially live by that quote forever. Not once during me complaining about certain things in my life I never tried to understand why I was in those situations. Just understand why and get up and just work it out. This song made me think, why am I even stressing in the first place? I'm stressing over dumb shit. Money. Cars. Houses. I need to be focused on my passion and what brings me joy and if my passion brings those things then it's just a bonus. Peep game.
"So you got a bankroll. See that don't make you powerful. You just live in someone else's shadow. You're probably a fucking asshole. You're just renting someone else's castle. Fighting someone else's battles. Fuck U talking bout?"
The guitar at the end of "Fuck U" made me wish I was high. It was one of those moments where I was like "FUCK! I need to be in space right now." I just felt the need to go after everything I desired even harder after hearing "Power" and "Fuck U." I was thinking of everything possible when I heard these songs. My passion. A woman I like. My flaws. Everything.
One of the worse feelings is resentment. I resent a lot of mistakes I've made in my past and "Cruel Intentions" just sums that feeling up so well. It's like you're having a conversation with yourself in your mind about the past but you can't seem to escape it. Sometimes you just want attention from that special person. The crazy thing is that special person could not only be just a love interest but it could even be yourself. Self love is so important. We all want attention. Big or small. Not soon after I pictured myself wearing a straw hat similar to Monkey D. Luffy from the anime "One Piece" on a beach vibing. A nice alcoholic beverage in one hand. A doobie in the other. Just dancing and grooving. "Hypnotized" just brings that out of me. I feel good as a mothafucka when I hear this song. I usually milly rock to everything like a normal person but the way those horns sound on this song I just can't. The island just comes out of me. I seriously thought about booking a cruise when I heard this song. It's so sexy. I can't even tell you the lyrics, it just makes me want to dance. I love when music does that to me. It shows the positives of it's power and influence. I hope artists with stature realize that. Put some feeling and groove into it.
The end portion of "It Is" brought me back to a moment in my life where my pride would always prevail over everything. I thought about how dangerous that can be in some cases. How many people I've hurt because of my pride or hurt myself because of it. I still show glimpses of that behavior today. Pride doesn't make a man. A man has to know when and how to utilize pride. Everything is balance. You have to put it aside for things or people that are worth keeping around. If you miss someone just reach out. If they react happily. Good. If they don't. Good. You know where you stand. You went for yours. You didn't sit and wait for a result. You can live with that. I also realized that it's such a tough job to care. People try to tell you not to care but it's who you are. You're caring. It's what you believe in. I've come to accept that I can't be a person that can't just not care about things and people that mean or meant something to me. I have to care how they're affected by my actions or actions outside of myself. The song "Possessed" made me feel that way. This is who I am and I'm willing to live with that.
I don't care if you think "It Is" by JMSN is good or bad music. You shouldn't care if I think it's good or bad music. Just know that "It Is" by JMSN made me feel .............. Human.