I tend to ponder at random moments. Here are some questions from my childhood I want answers to.
CRAIG & SMOKEY VS BIG WORM
Friday. A stoner comedy classic. Prime Nia Long. A cougar Ms.Parker. Easy film to love but I have some questions.
Smokey owes Worm $200. He already has $100. We seen him count it at Worm's ice cream truck. You mean to tell me there is no way Smokey and Craig can scrape up $200 between them? All they need is $100.
Craig tells Smokey at the beginning of the movie he got fired on his day off and says he picked up his check before he found out the news. So why couldn't Craig cash his check and give Smokey a quick $100 and solve the problem? Your life is on the line.
Smokey sold some weed to Hector so now we know Smokey has more than $100. They still couldn't get $100 more?
Craig asks his sister for money and even tells her that Worm will kill him if he doesn't get the money and what does this girl do?
This bitch laughs and says no.
All I took from this movie besides that joints are the best is that everyone in this movie is selfish as fuck.
FOXY BROWN'S "AFFIRMATIVE ACTION" VERSE
Besides staring at Foxy Brown titties every chance I could as a youth I always thought she was dope. Regardless if she had a ghostwriter or not.
The Firm was a supergroup formed on Nas's second album and one of my all time favorites "It Was Written." Consisting of Nas, AZ, Cormega, and Foxy Brown. Now the album they created was fucking awful. Something everyone in the group and Dr.Dre would love to forget but before that we heard "Affirmative Action." A classic New York record.
Foxy Brown lays down a wavy verse with a lot of fucking numbers and it was a great verse but I have a few questions.
Is Foxy Brown's math correct and did anyone actually check the math?
Here's the math equation in Foxy's verse.
"We got to flee to Panama but wait it's half-and-half
Keys is one and two-fifth, so how we flip
Thirty-two grams raw, chop it in half
Get sixteen, double it times three
We got forty-eight, which mean a whole lot of cream
Divide the profit by four, subtract it by eight
We back to sixteen now add the other two that Mega bringing through
So let's see, if we flip this other key
Then that's more for me, mad coke and mad leak
Plus a five hundred cut in half is two-fifty
Now triple that times three
We got three quarters of another ki"
Okay. That's a lot to add up and I'm not shit when it comes to math but shit lets look.
32 divided by 2 equals 16. We double the 16 which brings us to 32. We take the double times 3 which equals 96. Divide the profit (96) by 4 which equals 24 then subtract it by 8 which is 16.
I don't know where the fuck she gets 48 from unless she has a partner and she divides 96 by 2 and if we're talking drugs thats highly likely.
You know what? Fuck this verse and fuck math. Shit makes my brain hurt.
Why didn't this lil nigga just go to college? He was the smartest in his high school. Made no sense for him and Marcus (Jason Weaver) to be in the same grade. Take yo dried box curled head ass to Harvard.
CORY MATTHEWS AND ANGELA
Boy Meets World. Another classic. If you're familiar with the show you'd remember during the high school era Cory and Topanga were going through a breakup. Cory kissed another girl. Topanga found out. Relationship over.
Cory doesn't give up he wants Topanga back so he tries effortlessly to make it happen.
I have two questions.
Why was this bitch Angela hating and what in the fuck did she have against Cory?
What did Cory ever do to her? He was nothing but nice to her. Cory rooted for her and Shawn to be together but she didn't show the same respect to Cory. I didn't get it.
Instead she was trying to hook Topanga up with every muhfucka possible at John Adams High. She even convinced Shawn to throw in the towel on Cory getting Topanga back. She was praying that Cory and Topanga were over. She is one of the most underrated villains in TV history.
See this is why I tell all women don't listen to those bitter, miserable, friends they have. They'll lead you down the path of destruction. If you have a Angela as a friend. Get rid of her NOW!
IT'S A FUCKING RABBIT! WHY CAN'T A FUCKING RABBIT HAVE ANY CEREAL? KIDS AND HUMANS IN GENERAL ARE BIGGER ASSHOLES THAN RABBITS! THAT'S WHY THEY'RE ALWAYS RUNNING FROM US! THEY KNOW WE'RE EVIL! THE RABBIT DESERVES THE CEREAL MORE THAN THE KIDS DO!
THEY TREATED THIS WHITE RABBIT LIKE HE WAS A HYENA ASKING FOR CEREAL! WHY CAN'T HE HAVE A DAMN BOWL OF IT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! THIS IS NOT THE DONNIE DARKO RABBIT. IT'S A WHITE RABBIT WHO'S VERY FUCKING FRIENDLY! QUIT BEINGS DICKS AND GIVE HIM SOME TRIX!
Okay fuck it. This isn't from my childhood but it annoys me a lot.
Okay Ghost is sold to the viewers as this guy with a "chess not checkers" personality. Every move is calculated. He doesn't make dumb decisions. He's careful.
He fucks up his empire and family lives over pussy. Old pussy at that. This isn't some fire 25 year old not in her prime yet pussy. This is some late 30's and 40 is right around the corner pussy he fucking up lives with. Not fucking worth it.
I guess what I'm asking is....
Why isn't this nigga dead?
You doing work with a Cartel. Cartels KNOW EVERYTHING. They know people that know you that you don't even know. So you think a cartel wouldn't know about every ex girlfriend Ghost has ever had? Especially if one of those exes is a drug officer? They'd both be dead. Easily.
Let me start by saying "Family Matters" is one of the worse TV sitcoms ever. I still love it. I don't care what happened to Judy. She went upstairs and we never saw her again. Good. She served no purpose. I'm not asking a question about her or Aunt Rachel who also disappeared and left her son behind. Who cares about that unfit parent.
My question is ...
How in the fuck did the Winslows afford repairs to their house?
Carl Winslow was a cop. Cops don't make a lot today so back then you know they ain't get shit. Harriet worked as one of those elevator people then later at a retail store. Steve Urkel easily cause at least half a million in damages to the Winslows house. How did they have the money to fix that shit?
Now I'm sure you might say insurance. Nigga no. Insurance companies would run for the fucking hills if they kept getting called weekly because a nerd is fucking up a house. No insurance company in Chicago would cover that household.
Why didn't no one whoop Steve's ass? I don't get it.
I have another question.
Why wasn't Steve Urkel rich? He time traveled. Mastered DNA and Teleportation. Made a robot that fought crime. There's no fucking way he would be poor in reality. The Winslow should've made his ass sell one of those inventions and came up off it and moved away.
Jay-Z Where are the 92 bricks and how in the fuck do you lose 92 bricks and dodge prison or live to tell about it? 92 bricks is Pablo Escobar type weight. Why couldn't he just say 5-10 bricks. Why 92? I don't understand. That's Soulja Boy Challenge type shit right there.
I mentioned Boy Meets World and Satan aka Angela. In that show you had Principal Feeny. Cory's next door neighbor and principal/teacher from elementary school all the way to college and even in college Mr. Feeny was their professor in one of their courses. This man followed them everywhere and it was creepy.
Enter "Saved By The Bell" one of the most overrated sitcoms of the 90's. That show sucked. Only thing cool about it was Zack ordering cheese pizzas in class off a brick cell phone and I'd bang every chick that was on there. Yes, even pancake ass Jessie (As seen in the movie "Showgirls").
Here's my question.
Why do they hang with their Principal like he the homie?
Principal Belding is a pedo. No doubt in my mind. This muhfucka went everywhere with them kids. Why does this principal have so much time on his hands to hang with fucking A.C Slater baffles me. No way this guy ran that high school properly. He'd be fired.
Every principal I had was either super evil or super private. None of them hung out with kids. They hated kids.
I don't get it. After 8 years you would think Jesse and Joey would move the fuck out.
Why didn't they move out?
Joey I kinda understand staying there. He's a grown man who makes cartoon noises and does impressions during adult conversations. He's a lost cause and Danny probably still runs his bath water and makes him do a chore chart but Jesse has a whole ass family living in the basement with a wife on TV. Why in the fuck are you still staying in Danny Tanner's basement in leather pants with rock star dreams? You have kids Jesse.... Kids.
MY LIFE IS LIKE A WHIRLWIND
Where's Taylormade? Can someone put together reunion performance. Please! Shoutout to Wellston. If I heard this shit live I'd fucking cry. Real shit.