Blessed, refreshed, and ready to hoe.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 19 and in college and I was stressed the fuck out cause I had a pregnancy situation going on. A chick I was fucking with was pregnant back home and she was from New York which had me thinking, "Fuck, she's crazy, all our family time will involve "Paid N Full" and she's gonna call me "B" until the day she tries to kill me in my sleep with a steak knife. Her pussy top shelf though." My back was against the wall, I started to believe that this was "It." I'm washed at 20 years old. I ate cold ass ravioli out of the can like Homer Simpson that afternoon to prepare myself for my future in New York. I then received a phone call and it was my potential baby momma so of course I ignored that shit. All she do is cuss me out daily and I ain't feel like hearing that shit. So of course she leaves a voice message and it went like this.....
"Benny you better stop fucking playing and answer the fucking phone. I'm not fucking playing with you. I swear if you fucking them dusty ass bitches up there I'm beating all they asses after our daughter born. Try me nigga."
These voice messages were the norm at the time so none of it even shocked me anymore. Lowkey it was sexy as fuck to me and part of the reason why I even fucked her in the first place. She was always talking shit.
Anyway I picked my phone back up and I went through my texts and it was just full of women at my school trying to chill because I'm enchanting and captivating as fuck and I said to myself "You about to be a dad. Go out in a blaze glory until your pretty ass daughter (because of your superior and top tier genes) get here nigga. This is the moment. It's time."
I set up 3 missions with 3 women that day. I completed all of them before I went to sleep that night. And on the 7th day, a hoe was born.
The baby wasn't mine but I realized what my fake baby momma was doing. She didn't want me to be happy. Hoe life equals happiness and prosperity. She seen I was lottery pick material in the hoe draft. I was top 5. I was a once in a generation talent in hoeing cause I love this hoe shit. I hate hoe shit as in bitch nigga activities but I love hoe shit as in people think I'm her man. Her man. Her man. *Aye tap her on her shoulder!* Her man too. Accepting the hoe lifestyle has changed my life.
I'm sure you saw 21 Savage at Amber Rose's slut walk. Personally I can't do that shit not because of the event I don't care bout that. I just think all the hoes there were bluffing. 21 Savage should've had a six-some after the slut walk. If he didn't then him and those hoes should be ashamed of themselves and excommunicated from hoe proceedings because they not living what they preaching.
Anyway. 6 reasons why being a hoe is great.
HOE LIFE = HEALTHY LIFE
The more I'm fucking, the more alive I feel. I'm never stressed. I eat breakfast almost everyday like Rashad after he finally got some cutty from Nu-Nu. Don't you wanna feel and eat like that everyday just like me? Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get in your contacts and get to work. Before partaking in the hoe lifestyle I used to break out. Acne problems. Now the pussy is my proactiv and my face clearer the girlfriend people think I have. Add the healthy food I eat daily to the equation that means hoe life has possibly given me immortality. Fucking is exercise. You burn calories doing it. If you can't make it to the gym to strengthen your hoe limbs then go get in a few rounds of fucking like it's pick up games on the basketball court. I don't wanna see you unhealthy. Go be a hoe for your health and live forever.
After a good day of hoeing don't you feel fucking great about yourself? Like the world is yours and you can do whatever and whoever the fuck you wanna do? Feels good don't it? Doesn't it feel better than wondering who you are and losing yourself by trying to play by "relationship and society rules?" Sitting around wondering if you're good enough for that one girl or guy is not wavy. Crying yourself to sleep like a unhappy weirdo. Always arguing. Playing games. Wondering why they ghosted on you. You supposed to be doing the mothafuckin ghosting. You and only you. The fuck you mean? It's what hoes do. When you boost up your hoe-tivities you boost up your confidence. When you're a hoe you're more focused on YOU. YOU matter and only YOU. You accomplish more. Just look at hoe queen Cardi B. Hoeing got her a number 1 hit and profitable career. Case closed.
YOU'RE ASH KETCHUM
Hoes hold the cards. Hoes do the choosing like Ash chooses pokemon. Hoes always have somebody begging them to settle down and be with them. They get to choose whether it's time to hang up the jersey and contacts list. Why you think the hoes always get the ring? This not rocket science. It's truth. Hoes have options. If she getting on my nerves then let me go see what these other woman doing. See, it's that simple.
EVERYTHING IS MORE ENJOYABLE
Everything is more fun when you're hoeing. You're not worried about judgement. What the fuck can you say to me? "Oh you fucked so many women! You're a whore!" Duh bitch it's fun! I was having fun fucking and you was at home bored outta your fucking mind worried about what the fuck I was doing. You don't ever give a fuck about what anyone thinks when you're hoeing. Regular life is like Vegas. Hoe-Life is like Dubai. No comparison in fun. You cant tell a night full of ratchetness and hoeing isn't fun. Everything is more enjoyable. Even the food you eat taste better when you're a hoe. The chicken is seasoned perfectly. The sauce has more kick. I can't explain it.
Basically all I gotta do is slang dick and be respectful and women will cook for me, let me drive they car, buy me liquor, and possibly buy me shoes and gaming systems? Count me the fuck in! I have my own car but I wanna waste YOUR gas. *Deebo voice* To the hoe goes the spoils.
You've been hoeing. Ain't shit you ain't been through. You're prepared for everything. You're no amateur. You know what the fuck you want out of life because you're used to getting majority of everything you want. You know where you wanna go. You know who you wanna be around. You're built for it. God has gifted you the art of hoeing. You have all the tools. Use them. This is why hoes usually find the loves of their lives at the end of their run and the relationship last long. They've gotten all the hoeing out of their system and can now focus on being the best hoe they can for their partner and vice versa. If you're not in relationship or ready for one then go be a hoe and do as much ratchet shit as possible to pass time. I swear you'll feel better and you'll have so much to talk about. Fuck around and get a book deal.
Now I know a goody 2 shoes muhfucka might be reading this and saying to themselves "Benny I don't know if this is a good idea and I respect myself." Look I don't even know you and I can feel and smell the boredom in your life. Even if you travel a lot your trips probably be dry ass fuck like Susan's chicken and kool-aid. No flavor. No excitement. Just pictures of random shit and that's it. No hoe stories to tell. Don't you wanna be a legend? Don't you wanna lay in your bed and think back on some hoe escapades and think "Damn I was wildin that day or night but I kicked it" and smile? If anything hoes respect and love themselves more than anybody. Regular people view sex or sexuality as being taboo. Like it's prohibited. You ever seen people shy and nervous to just talk about sex? It's so immature, dull, and unimaginative. It's just sex and that's it. We're adults. We're not 12. If you're a woman and you need some dick then scream that shit from the mountaintops. If you a man and you need some pussy let the world know. Stop hiding and let that inner hoe out for the world to see.
Oh... wrap it up or listen to "RAW" by Smino and follow his instructions. The choice is yours. Be careful out there my pals.