Back when the club scene was crackin in STL I was OUT HERE. Every weekend faithfully. There was always something going on especially when I would come home for visits from college. I was club hopping until it was time for me to go back. Lying to every woman I dealt with in the process. Had to keep room open for potential missions.
Fast forward to today. I'm a honest washed man. No more lies. No more clubs. It's not over though. One thing has a place for my washed nature. One thing that has combined jamming with women and coziness.
7 reasons why The Kickback > The Club
No fucking dress code. Fuck a dress code. I can fall through with the trees and Tequila in my grey sweats or I can throw on some jeans, tee, a hat and fall through with the cognac. I can wear my flip flops. I can let the doo rag cape fly like the nigga that gave Ricky his ball back. I can wear whatever the fuck I want without it being a problem.
This is the most important to me so I had to say this first.
In clubs if the DJ trash ain’t shit you can do about it. You gotta just tweet through that shit with your Henny on the rocks. It’s out of your control unless you own that club like Cottonmouth on some boss shit and you can have that nigga removed the minute he or she plays “This Is How We Do It.” I've hated that fucking song with a passion for 20+ years. Stop playing that bullshit. Don’t even play it at a 90’s themed party. Play “Freak Hoes” instead.
Nothing worse than a DJ who can’t read a crowd and has shitty song selections. In kickbacks the aux cord is key and if a nigga playing that bullshit you can remove the aux cord from their phone like social services removing a child from an unfit parent. Niggas gotta come out like Sandman on Showtime at the apollo get that nigga the fuck outta here. Then you proceed to joan on how trash their taste in music is. Tweet it out too so the scene knows to proceed with caution if they let that individual get the aux cord again at a future kickback.
It’s Aux Cord Probation. Not all is lost. If they learn from their sins they’ll come back stronger and play some heat next time. Kickbacks can actually improve someones musical taste and also you’ll actually might hear some shit that you like and want to add it to your own iTunes. The fucked up part about music in clubs is that they basically play the same playlist you hear all day on the radio. It’s boring. At the kickback the music you’re hearing is an extension of that person’s personality.
Also, have you ever sang/rapped some shit together at a kickback? It’s spiritual healing and beautiful. An arm around your homie and someone you just met rapping BM JR or First Day Out word for word together is up there with seeing the birth of your first child. You’re not forgetting that shit. Ever.
Conversations in the club are pointless. Just unnecessary and for some reason people breath always super harsh in the club. It’s like they’ve digested sauerkraut, original fritos and ass before leaving their house. If you talk to me in the club I’m gonna be just like that nigga that pretends to be interested while hearing his homie freestyle in crowded places. I’m a just nod my head and say “You got it bruh.”
I lied. I’m unsure if you got it bruh. You may not even be close. You’re gonna have to take this up with God on this one.
I cannot hear you in the club. You could tell me “Aye the singer Mya is in your bed at home bucky nakey with fruit snacks so you need to go home.” I’m a just respond with “That’s wassup” and point to the bar.
In kickbacks you have some of the realest conversations in life. We can actually hear each other. We can actually see each other because clubs have their shit dark as fuck on the inside looking like a scene from the movie Blade with awful leather couches that smell like 6 year old long islands and sweaty side titty meat.
The fact that we can actually have great dialogue and understand each other while being fucked up is so amazing. Makes the night better.
Women have two sides. Both sides are crazy of course but there’s 2 of em. Women in the clubs and Women in the kickbacks are 2 totally different people. The woman in the club has dressed to kill and doesn’t want a soul to touch her. Not even her homegirls. If breathing wasn’t required for living she wouldn’t want the air touching her either. She has officially transformed into a socialite that’s non social. So basically she has the slay of Taraji Henson, Bernice Burgos or Kim Kardashian but she not speaking to nobody but her homegirls and bartenders tonight.
Her face is beat to perfection. Her hair is on red carpet award show fleek. Her outfit is hurting feelings. The heels are out. She’s already has her Trap rapper bars locked and loaded for her Instagram caption. She’s untouchable like a mob boss. You have to have a sit down with the bosses of the five families just to approach her. You might get whacked if you don’t get the go ahead from the bosses to speak to her.
You think she gone be in the club dancing? Fuck no. All You’re gonna get is a lil sway, a lil two step, she’ll rap some Migos, sing some Queen Beyonce all while having a drink in her hand that won’t spill a drop. Once her club appearance is done. She puts her jacket on and hits the Waffle House. We all know The best thing about clubbing is the Waffle House or just breakfast food in general. I’m not saying women are stuck up in the club but they definitely not with the extra shit.
That same woman in the kickback is a different lady. She still fly as fuck don’t get it confused. She still not for the fuck boy shit but your percentage of getting a wall dance from her while “Lemon Pon Goose” by Smino DiCaprio is playing is in the 90’s. Her twerk game is gonna be over level 9000. In the club you’re looking at 47 percent.
I don’t have a problem getting wall dances in clubs or kickbacks well because I’m Benny and you’re not so that’s that. Anywho.
She's more loose in the kickback environment. She’ll actually tolerate the dumb shit coming outta your mouth. You have chances to redeem yourself.
In the club? nope. You’re one and done.
In the kickback she’s gonna have a grip on a bottle of Patron or Remy like it’s a designer clutch from Neiman Marcus. You not taking that shit from her. Her vibe is no longer on socialite it’s more on the wave of SZA or Cyn Santana when she was rapping Killa Cam’s “Suck It Or Not” in front of a Christmas Tree and Joe Budden tried to remove her drink from her hand. A woman will look like a snack, exciting, and wifey material in a kickback.
Put it like this. Where would you think you have a better chance of finding your soulmate? The club or a Kickback?
Exactly. Every woman I've met in the club did nothing but give me grey hair and almost became my baby momma. I don't want that shit dawg. Keep it. Y'all can have it.
The same woman. Different environments but she more bae at the kickback.
I don’t drink much anymore but when I do it’s at a kickback. I rarely drink in clubs. I’m sorry I’m not paying $9 for a watered down whiskey or Henny. Nah. Just 11 more dollars I can get a whole bottle of Crown Vanilla. These niggas not about to finesse me.
You know what let me get something off my chest while I’m here.
FUCK V.I.P, BOTTLE SERVICE, AND THOSE DUMB ASS SPARKLERS! FUCK ALL OF IT!
V.I.P is the most pointless invention in mankind. Bruh who do you think you are? You bout to take yo goofy ass to work just like me Monday. You’re not special you’re just an idiot that blew 2 to 3 car note payments on some fun you could’ve had for under $100 in the house.
V.I.P is basically a M.Night Shyamalan movie mixed with a season of Love & Hip-Hop. Yeah the trailers look fire but when you actually experience them it's nothing special and you leave empty.
It only exist to make people who aren't really important feel important. LeBron James needs V.I.P. Why? He's the most known athlete on the planet he'd get hounded if he didn't have V.I.P and his night would be a disaster. You work at a call center. No one knows you. The fuck you need V.I.P for?
V.I.P is basically the grown up version of playing “House.” You just think you rich and reality sets in when those club lights come on. Only thing V.I.P is good for is sitting down. There’s never any space to jam and trust me I’ve been in all V.I.P’s.
I've been in The All Star Weekend V.I.P’s with celebrities to the fancy Vegas V.I.P’s to weak ass wannabe fancy club V.I.P’s and they’re all the same. They're all overrated. Only difference is the prices.
The point of going out to clubs in my opinion is to dance and socialize with other people. V.I.P erases all that and separates people. It's always been lame to me even though I can afford it.
Only niggas who love shit like Fabolous mix tapes and "all white" day parties care about V.I.P. I don’t wanna be isolated from the atmosphere when I jam. I ain’t nobody important. I’m just a regular guy that eats off paper plates and watch Seinfeld. This rope between me and the dance floor don’t mean shit. Keep the sparklers away from me. Please don’t announce to the entire club that my liquor is coming. I’m Marlo from The Wire. I don’t want any attention.
Why pay $150-200 for a bottle you can get at Shop N Save for the 40? I’m awful at math but this is some simple shit I can calculate and solve. Have at least 4 to 5 people grab a bottle and meet at the crib and get it cracking. The money you save is amazing plus you can easily find a place to park.
Plus we can blow big dank with no fucking hassle. Fuck that fancy smancy shit all the time. Don’t get me wrong if I had a woman and she want to hit the club here and there then I’m wit it but that every other weekend shit. Nah I’m good. Plus I’m more loose with vices when I’m at the kickback. Usually I know everybody in attendance. In the club I’m on defense and cautious cause I don’t know nobody in that bitch.
You can’t bust out a UNO game outta nowhere in the club only in the kickback. Actually that shit don’t come outta nowhere you just waiting for the first person to talk shit and then it’s go time. The same goes for Spades, PS4, XBOX, dice games, Taboo (I’m UNDEFEATED in that) whatever. All that shit will take place in the kickback in the blink of an eye and somebody gone catch a fade.
Some clubs have food. Well….. fuck that weak ass chicken on those weak ass square/rectangle plates. Gimme some rotel, that shorty ass over there and a joint. If we feeling rich then we grab the Imos. If it’s budget time then grab the crave cases. If you really gangsta then you have homies that can cook and you all break bread and grocery shop and whip it like a stolen car. Either way we eating good.
Moral of the story.... Fuck the club I rather fuck some Rotel up.