WHY I LOVE BEING SINGLE (PART 1)
I wrote this a while ago and forgot to post it. Since it’s TBT to some of you I’ll share it. This is one part of a two part article. I will have part two “WHY I LOVE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP” article up very soon. I had to write about both experiences. I love being single and in a relationship because I’m a awesome loser that loves the fuck outta himself so no matter my status I’m having fun.
I SLEEP BETTER
TURN THAT GOT DAMN FAN AND AIR THE FUCK ON!!! GIMME ALL THESE GOT DAMN COVERS AND PILLOWS! YUP MY FEET ASHY AS FUCK TOO I BEEN HOOPIN ALL FUCKIN DAY BUT GUESS WHAT? IT DOESN’T FUCKIN MATTER THE BED IS ALLLLLLLLL MINE!
I don’t have to hear no shit. I can just pass the fuck out with both my arms free. I’m bout to sleep good like a kid who just got his ass whooped by his momma.
I LOVE ME
I love me some me. I talk to myself. Entertain myself. Laugh at my jokes. My loneliness is fire.
MONEY
"I wish I could buy this PS4 but her birthday next week so I better chill.”
SAID NEVER EVER BY SINGLE ME!!!!!
I can spend my money however I wanna fucking spend it. If I feel like eating sammiches all month like Bruhman then I’m doing it. If I feel like spending student loans on Imos all month then I’m doing it and no one can fucking stop me.
No guilt trips. No hassle. No money problems. My money usually stacked when I'm single.
MORE TO GO PLATES
I average about 5-6 to go plates around the holidays but when I’m in relationships that is all WRECKED because I don’t wanna share my plates so she gotta get her own plates. So we gotta try to leave with 9-12 total plates which is difficult because my family not going for that and there’s gonna be a royal rumble over plates now. I’m not ready to tarnish my plate average yet. I treat it how Russell Westbrook treats his triple doubles.
BINGE WATCH QUICKLY
Oooooh Stranger Things comes out today and guess what? I’m watching all 8 episodes in one day and I don’t have to wait on anyone to do so. After that I may start watching all the episodes of “Shameless” without hearing …
“You started without me?”
I’m okay with never being asked that question.
NO DISHES
Every thing plastic like Instagram models.
NO CHECKING IN
It’s 1:32am and the scene dying down so this what’s gonna happen.
Strip Club
Ignore the fake booty’s and buy chicken plates for all my niggas
Spend a grand total of $36.72 on strippers (Yes I throw change)
Hit The Waffle House…..I want a Veggie Fiesta Omelette
Drive home
Walk in my door
You hear that? …..You hear that? … Silence. Beautiful silence. No “Why didn’t you call? You could’ve checked in.” Just silence and a fire ass shower in the dark like I’m a broke Bruce Wayne to wash off Stripper sweat.
I CAN JUST HOP ON A PLANE
Hey I feel like going to LA to finesse my way into a VIP and laugh at coked out celebs or to Africa to laugh at hippos on a Safari next week. Fuck it I’m going. No one holding me back or holding me up. I can just hop on the plane and go. I’ve never planned a trip in any of my past relationships but I guarantee it would’ve been a fucking nightmare. Easily.
HEALTH
I eat a lot better and healthier when I’m single. I’m not drinking. I’m also not stressed the fuck out so I’m mentally and emotionally healthy. I’m sleeping good. I’m eating good. I’m working out more. I’m like Jack Lalanne.
LETTING THE LIKES FLY
Yeah on Instagram I’m letting the hearts fly. I can like fully clothed pics or Half naked pics without hearing anyone’s mouth and being accused of fucking the women on the pics I like. It’s just a like. Nothing more.
THE BOSS OF HAPPINESS
I control my happiness. If I’m sad then it’s fully on me. I have no one to blame and I’m very okay with that.
HER BORING ASS FRIENDS
There’s a lot of shit I can tolerate but being forced to hang with your woman’s boring ass friends is some tough shit. They either boring, super dramatic, or really annoying. It’s bad enough I already hear about their lives from my girl on my spare time and I gotta pretend to be interested but in person it’s worse. Don’t get me started on the forced double date…..fucking torture.
“Hey Benny meet Felicia boyfriend Damon. He likes basketball too. You two will get along great.”
Double dates are like playdates from hell.
Why can’t none of you be funny? Like legitimately funny or interesting? Instead I have to hope something bad happens to you like your boyfriend cheating on you so I can laugh and actually be entertained by you.
Your girlfriend single friends are never funny. They just spy on you and are always at your crib eating all your food like Maxine from “Living Single” except they’re not funny or insightful like Maxine. Just hungry.
SPACE
I won’t feel like an asshole when I just disappear or take my space back.
DREAMS
I’ve seen people dreams just flat-out die because of relationships. The passion for pursuing something they love is just gone. They’re at work just miserable as fuck. Everything is just about going to their job they hate, wishing weekends would come, going home to their partner and kids (if any) watching TV, occasional dinner dates and that’s it. Nothing more.
Whether I’m single or in a relationship my passion is first. The mission to do that passion for a living is first. I’m not putting it on hold for no one. I made that mistake once and I’ll never make it again. She just gotta jump in like double dutch and just keep up cause I’m not stopping.
