I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even in preschool when I was asked what I wanted to be I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I didn’t give a fuck. I just wanted to play Nintendo and Ninja Turtles. I just wanted to be a kid. I always had the attitude of I’ll figure it out when I get there. I didn’t know what I wanted to do until I was like 21. I was really indifferent about the future. I just cared about the day I was currently in. The future didn’t scare me nor excite me. I just always been focused on what am I doing a couple hours from now? I also figured from the time I was just a child until I was an adult that if I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life then it’s best to just to keep doing shit I like until I have a “Eureka” moment or stumble upon a vocation. 


Vocation is your calling, the whispers of the universe that say “Aye nigga I fucks with you so here’s what I’ve placed here for you to do and use your talents for.”


Now you may not see your calling right away because you’re busy sticking to your plans that you’ve made for your life. But have you ever thought about that you could be making plans for the wrong shit? The universe be knowing. It’ll let you pursue some shit that will not work out while it continues to drop hints for you to notice. The universe don’t give a fuck about your plans. I only make plans to put my mind at ease and to give myself a target to shoot at but I know that there may be a moment that I realize my plans have failed. The universe will just keep telling you or making you feel that you should be doing something else. 



I thought I wanted to be an music artist. I really pursued music for 7 years and I always wondered why shit never went my way. Now of course I’m very quiet so that played a part on the marketing end but no one really cared about my music so out the blue one day I just felt like music just wasn’t in the cards for me and I stopped. I wondered what I would do next. I didn’t have any idea. I tried being a videographer. I tried being a DJ. I tried so many things before I arrived at writing. You have to treat this shit like a buffet. You have see what works and what doesn’t. Don’t feel bad about quitting or changing your mind. None of that shit worked for me. It didn’t feel natural. I could do those things but they felt like more of a hobby than my actual calling. Once I noticed the signs that writing was for me that’s when I started going crazy with the grind. Now you’re probably wondering how I noticed that this was my calling? Here are two questions that helped me. 




Writing doesn’t feel like work to me. I just sit down and do it. No matter what I’m writing about it doesn’t feel like work. Some days I’m exhausted and too tired to write but those moments are rare. Make sure what you think is your calling does not feel like work when you do it. 




Music I didn’t get too many compliments on. Writing is the opposite. Shit, I get complimented on writing everyday. Whatever you do that people associate you with and compliment you the most on is the road you need to travel. 


I also wanted to solve a problem and that also led me to writing. If what you think is your calling also solves a problem and also sends a message you may be on the right track. I write for myself but I also seen this huge void in St.Louis in terms of platforms and that was a problem to me. I studied and researched people who had their own platforms and I wrote down notes on what I felt I could do differently from those creatives respectfully and then I got started on my own shit. I wanted to be one of the resources I thought we lacked. Also the message I wanted to send is that you can really do it YOUR way just as long as what you do has value to it. I didn’t have to be everywhere on the scene, I didn’t have to hop in a clique and ride their wave or winning streak to get what I do off the ground. I didn’t have to kiss anybody ass. I didn’t compromise what I wanted to do and neither do you. 



Once you’ve felt like “Okay this is my calling” research it and look up people who do it at the highest level. Just to get a feel of what you’re into and before you drop a lot of money (if needed) into it. Don’t copy them or compare yourself to them. Just study their approach to their craft and then figure out how you wanna approach yours. If possible if you can gain a mentor that’s actually doing what you think your calling is for a living please reach out to them for guidance and advice. Younger or Older. 


You don’t have to put your all into your calling and ignore everything else you enjoy creatively. You just have to use your calling as the driving force to bring other things you’re interested in creatively along for the ride. For example writing has led me into podcasting and so far podcasting is going great because it aligns with those three questions above which are


Does it feel like work?

What do people compliment the most?

Does it solve a problem?


Now what will podcasting bring me to? Maybe it will bring me back to music which wasn’t my calling. See how that works? You don’t have to stop everything. You can have multiple things that brings you creative energy in abundance. 


Now can you fuck up your calling? Absolutely. It usually gets fucked up by the same usual suspects like competing. Competing is pointless and you’re not doing anything but giving yourself more anxiety. Don’t keep score either. People on the outside gonna keep score for you anyway so just chill. The game not over until you leave. You just focus on playing the game until the clock reads all zeros then you can converse about stats, scores, and who did what. 



Vocation awaits. Don’t be afraid of your calling. Your vocation. Don’t worry about if you’re not good enough yet or you feel that your ideas aren’t great. There’s people in the world that would pay for an idea you’re afraid to release. What you create may be the answer to something that’s someones problem.