Is Astrology real? Shit I dunno. 

Aye who fuckin tho? 

I’ve been with every sign so i’ll tell you.


They’re hella animalistic and impatient as fuck. Remember the sex scene with Tommy and Keisha in Belly? That’s Aries sex. A Aries shorty once told me “Okay get to the point and show me ya dick nigga” and of course I was like “Muy Bien” and got to it. They also try to put you out of commission. The Aries women I’ve been with try to knock me out in the first round. Aries love making people submit. Straight put the Sharpshooter on you and make you tap. 


Okay you in Greece right. The place twitter said you’re a thot for going to and you have this dope ass room with a balcony view of the beach and the water and you tell your Taurus shorty lets fuck on the balcony with this view.

She not having it. 

Y’all taking y’all ass right to that bed. No tricks. No gimmicks. No surprises. No risky stuff. If you thought about random fucking in a car that ain’t happening. You’re getting some slow straight forward sex with some kissing. Anything outside of routine they’ll overthink it to death. Taurus like things slow so that beat it up shit is a toss up. Even if that’s your wife or something. They not with that long fucking. They wanna eat and cuddle bruh. Not all of em are like this though. Had a shorty that was wit all the shits like prime Adina Howard. Lemme go pray for that woman right now. She’s so blessed.


Guess who the talkers in bed? The sign who never shuts the fuck up outside of the bed. Gemini will literally give you a play by play of what’s going on like you blind and you not the nigga doing the shit. They’re literally Mark Jackson calling a NBA game while fucking. I’m hitting her from the back and all of a sudden I hear “Momma there goes that man.” SHUT THE FUCK UP! GOD DAMN NIGGA! But if you get the right Gemini they’ll talk that good shit though. 

Gemini love foreplay. A lot of foreplay. Sex is more like a game to them. They not too serious bout it. They like it to be light. Basically I had to give em diet dick I guess. 


If you ever wanted to fuck somebody in a flower bed on some Jason’s Lyric shit and cry together, if you with a Cancer that shit can be your reality. Passionate sex or nothing with Cancer’s. All Cancers have nice titties too. Remember that. 

Cancers super submissive too. They will do anything for you if you’re in a relationship with them. They love to please people. Very giving. Ask and you shall receive. Unlimited wish genie with the nastiness.


These niggas think everything a stage. Sex with a Leo bout to be hella dramatic, cinematic, basically if you ever thought about making a good ol homemade porno a Leo is with all that shit. They’re show-off’s. They have one goal and that’s to be the best you’ve ever had. They really take pride in how they fuck you. 


Remember in Dragonball Z that a Saiyan would get stronger after every battle. That’s Virgos and sex. When you start out fucking them it be cool then after months of it the sex gets better and better then they start pulling out tricks and you’re like “Bitch when you learn this??!!” They’re perfectionist. They just get nastier and nastier over time. They’ll please the fuck outta you too just slightly under Cancers.


I never had a woman take care of me during sex like a Libra woman. They’re so caring and concerned. I’m laughing my ass off writing this. Why this shorty neatly fold my clothes after taking them off me? Why she fluffed the damn pillows under me before giving me top? I felt like a fucking King. She made sure a nigga was comfortable. 


I fucked a girl who had the same birthday as me and that shit was so hypnotizing. Our sex was the identical Spider Man pointing meme. Bout to go lurk on her social media after I finish writing this. Titties was on God levels. Anyway. Scorpio sex is hit or miss. You have some that are super nasty, super passionate, and aggressive. Then you have some that are boring meaning it’s just passionate but it’s not filthy which means it’s like a Quentin Tarantino movie without any blood or the word Nigger. 


Aye if you ever thought about fucking on a taco truck using some hot sauce on some Don’t Be A Menace shit or on the hood of your car at 2:07am in the summer? Go find a Sagittarius. They all bout that adventurous and risky shit. Then they’ll let everybody know what happened. They play no games. If you trying to experiment just let em know and it’s likely to go down. 


Aggressive as fuck. Emotional as fuck (Good emotional) Capricorns mean you bout to fuck hella long. It’s happened with every Capricorn I’ve ever been with and they ALWAYS outlast me. When it comes to fucking, Capricorn’s have the endurance of them African niggas running for 8 straight days in the Olympics. They’re so filthy too. Like Jill Scott filthy. I love em so much. 


I know I talk bad bout Aquarius a lot and it’s well deserved but if you want some fucking fucking. Call em. Sex with them bout to be super aggressive. Kinky as fuck. Shit might get knocked the fuck over. You’re gonna rearrange the rooms. You might get tied up somehow. Choked. They love variety so you gotta switch it up often. I never see more pregnant women than Aquarius women. I get it. I understand. I’m telling yall they’re necessary evil on some Bane in Batman type shit. In my top 5 sexual experiences in my life Aquarius are in there twice. The best part is that they’ll leave you the fuck alone afterwards. They’re built for that friends with benefits shit cause of lot em prefer it and actually stick to it.


A pisces will fuck you like a poem word for word. That made no sense I know but that’s how creative they are. They’ll wake you out your sleep as soon as the sun peaks in the sky just to have the beautiful lighting while they fuck you. Sex gone look like a painting in a museum. 

I know what you’re thinking and the answer is Yes, I was a former whore but I’m now retired until I get famous then I’m a have a comeback tour for 4-6 months then get married. Okay? Cool. 


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