Something been on my mind since the 2nd of January. So I'm putting it here.
The month of January had me feeling very uneasy. Lately I’ve been feeling I’ve been spreading myself really thin. I have this blog. I have the podcast. I just started revisited writing my tv script. I’m working on my first book. I work two jobs. I never really have time for myself, I can’t remember the last time I’ve not been working outside of work. I finally started to question if I can do any of this. It’s a very weird space to be in. I’m not sad but can I really do all of this?
Fuck yes I can.
Somedays I feel like I want to breakdown because I’m doing this alone. I have to pick myself up if I get knocked down. I have nobody to help me up and somedays I just wanna lay down on the floor and not get up. The only thing that keeps me from spiraling out of control is my faith in God, myself and my abilities.
Do I always make the right choices? No. Do I do everything perfect? No. Is everything I write good? No! I think almost 90% of everything I write is mid but it’s my faith in myself and willingness to get better that keeps me going. I believe that I will be one of the greatest creatives that ever walked this earth. I don’t wish or hope that I will be. I have faith that I will be and I feed my faith daily. I talk to myself and say I’m dope. I write down on paper that I’m the greatest and I read it out loud and to myself. When people try to bait me into negativity and drama I tell myself I’m here for a purpose and I guess they haven’t found their purpose and that’s why they’re focused on me. Nothing interrupts my faith because I constantly feed it and speak to it with positivity and keep people in my circle that feed my faith also.
Your faith is the gas for anything you do. So if you haven’t started that blog you’ve been trying to get off the ground you’re lacking faith somewhere in the equation. Just a little bit of faith can turn an idea into something timeless. You can’t start without faith. You can have all the tools mentally and physically. You can have all the right people around you. You can have all the top of the line equipment. If you don’t have faith and a strong belief in self, you won’t have shit.
Faith in itself is creative. Faith finds creative ways to shine through darkness. The universe is like a creative artist in a way. We are the universe's paintbrushes. This old ass floating rock we live on is the canvas. Just provide your color for the world and most importantly provide color for yourself.
Oooooooohhhhhhh that was some hefty shit I just said. Oooooh I'm a philosophical head ass nigga. Give me some crystals bruh.
Me being a human is enough for me to never fold. Think about the probability of us being human and I’m black on top of that? In my opinion I’ve hit the lottery twice back to back and that doesn’t even include me having two loving parents with their heads on their shoulders and not participating in the ills of society. This is where I’ll say I’m lucky.
So this is for anyone who is in awe of what I do or create. I go through hard times like you. I doubt myself sometimes like anyone else. If you gotta cry then let it out. If you have to scream then let it out. But how I get through times where I don’t feel like I’m 100% is I pay attention to the signs and I have an abundance of faith in myself and I never looked back. Do the same, please.
We need to go back to the feeling of being grateful that we are using creative outlets to express an idea or feeling. Forget if you’re good or not. Block out the shit that's driving your sanity into the ground. We have to go back to actually appreciating our own creativity and how it can save lives and most importantly, save your life.
Had to get that off my chest.