So I go to Kansas City to visit my cousins and my older cousin would always tell me to say "stairs" in front of our family. I had no idea why back then I just wanted some juice I wasn’t worried bout that nigga. When you a kid all you care about is outside, chips, and juice. Then I realized that nigga was making fun of how I talked. I ain’t give a fuck though cause I really couldn’t hear the difference between how I said stairs and how they said stairs. We’ve been saying it right. The rest of yall been saying it wrong. Since then I’ve gone on to be the most ravishing wavy nigga breathing and he’s still wearing Enyce and not taking baths like 80% of Kansas City residents.
I went to Orlando, Florida when I was 14 years old and it’s like 2am and I’m thirsty as a mothafucka so I get up and I go to the bathroom and I get some water out the faucet and I drink it and I instantly started to choke as if I had a hairball in my throat like I was on the Ren and Stimpy show or some shit. The water was dryer than a Amy Schumer stand up comedy show. The water tasted like reggie. I’m used to my tap water tasting delicious like black women and God’s sweat so Orlando’s mid water instantly ruined the whole trip for me. I didn’t give a fuck about this expensive ass resort we were staying at. I didn’t give a fuck about Universal Studios. I just wanted the delicious tap water I’m used to. St.Louis spoiled me.
My momma made rice one day and I cried because it wasn’t chinamen. When I was old enough to tell the difference between the greatest rice in the history of mankind and some weak ass Uncle Ben’s rice, it was game over. If the rice wasn’t as dark as Lupita N’yongo then I didn’t want that shit. I never looked at any rice that wasn’t chinamen the same after that. I thought everybody had the shit like us worldwide but I was wrong. They had Al B. Sure and El Debarge colored rice. I couldn’t process why this was possible and why it was allowed in other states that rice could be light skinned. I’m from the land of the finest rice.
So I’m at this party in college. It’s over so I’m outside posted trying to see if I’m gonna make this move to shorty spot or if she gone come home with me. All of sudden this fight break out and of course I run towards the fight to see who gone get dropped. Somebody fired they pistol into the air and everybody broke out running but the St.Louis niggas. We all saw the nigga shoot in the air so it wasn’t nothing crazy. So after the people fighting ran to they cars we start trying to figure out the move that’s when shots rang out again and this time our crazy asses ran towards the shit and we see a nigga hanging out the car bussin his gun into the another car I was like “Oh shit this nigga on some Jimmy Jump from King Of New York Shit.” We then see a nigga we knew creeping behind some cars with a gun out and we laughing like “What this goofy nigga on?” because we knew that hammer was NOT his and this nigga was nowhere near the rolling gun battle he was just trying to look like he was a shooter to impress some hoes then probably go back and lie to the hoes about it. I’m not gonna say where he was from *Coughs* Kansas City *Coughs* I don’t know why we thought we were bulletproof that night and thankfully nobody died so that’s why I’m speaking on it but being from St.Louis that kinda shit normal unfortunately. We all kinda war ready.
I seen the Arch on TV for the first time when the Country Grammar video dropped. I was proud as fuck to be from STL when I seen that.
So I was at the tilt in Northwest Plaza one Friday night with my homies. You already know what was cracking. We mob up to Northwest to hop on Marvel vs Capcom 2. So the whole time we downstairs I kept noticing this nigga talking shit to some nigga and eventually we see one of the niggas walk out the tilt. So the tilt bout to close so we make our way outside and up the steps and we see 15-20 dudes and one dude said “THERE THAT BITCH GO!” I turn around and look because I DAMN SURE know he wasn’t talking to me and see a dude run back in the tilt. It was the dude talking shit who ran back in and the nigga he was acting tough with went and brought his whole block to Northwest Plaza. All I see is dude shook as fuck and talking to the Tilt employee. The employee was telling him he gotta leave and dude wouldn’t leave. So we started watching everything transpire by the front door and all of sudden these niggas started humming Deebo theme music in unison. Funniest shit I ever seen. Dude didn’t wanna get jumped so he had the police come escort him out. Only in St.Louis.
I knew I could have a career in Nascar and was built to work the wheel when I drove on the Riverview Circle for the first time and made it out alive. My city taught me how to drive.
When Nikee Turbo performed at VIBES. I was proud to be from St.Louis.
My granddaddy had this bbq spot on the North when I was kid and I used to hang out there. I was always chilling in somebody car or truck looking for loose change to go to the store with and this particular day I happened to be chilling in the back of this flatbed truck with a cooler in the back and I went in the cooler to see what was in it and it was all soda. My momma wasn’t there so I drank like 5 sodas in a row with nobody there to stop me because my uncles did not give a fuck as long as I didn’t touch the liquor. That fifth soda I drank was on par with my first wall dance at The Palace. It was a Pineapple Vess and that’s when our 20 plus year relationship began. I ain’t gave a fuck about another Vess flavor or any other soda since.
I was thinking bout this a couple weeks ago. I grew up in probably the best era of St.Louis anyone will ever see. From like 1995 to like 2004/2005 St.Louis was untouchable. It's like how the 90's cartoons will always be the greatest and never be done again. Those 10 years in St.Louis will always be St.Louis at it's highest and best and never done again. When I was a teenager I always had something to do. I grew up in the teenager club era. We had at least 5 clubs for us to mob to every weekend. Whether it was the limelight, spotlight, Saints, Incahoots, didn’t matter we was in all those bitches on 10 when we were 16. Copping Dickies and shelltoes from Gus. The MayDay was The MayDay when I was a kid and teenager. We would roll deep up to the “Hoop It Up’s.” Hazelwood Day was hittin. I remember seeing Jimmy McKinney drop 30 in his sleep. I’ll never forget high school rivalries and fights. Seen a nigga get thrown off the bleachers when Hazelwood East and Riverview were throwing hands at a track meet. I witnessed the greatest creative era with The Force/MadeMonarchs era. It will never be done like that creatively in St.Louis again. Venues everywhere. Nobody was on goofy shit. I grew up in the U.City where I used to ride my bike to Streetside Records and Big Pattys and used to run fades at Janet Majerus and Rabe park. Sitting on each other porches listening to Majic 108 watching the bomb pop man roll around and slang his lil weed on the side. We thought the Lunatics were stars before Country Grammar came out. We all knew "Gimme What U Got" word for word. We used to walk to the chinamen in Pagedale and fight Pagedale niggas. I got my ass beat and I beat niggas asses too. No guns. Just hands. Everybody went home safe. We had honor. Seeing Crips and bloods posted on Cutlasses and Regals on my block playing Bone thugs. Seeing the world do our dances wrong on almost every music video in the 2000’s. That’s the St.Louis that raised me. The St.Louis where the first thing you did was run outside when you woke up cause you didn't wanna miss shit on the block. It's like how people wake up today and grab they cell phone and check social media first. The block was the social media back then. It's crazy how different things are now but I’ll forever be proud to be from this mothafucka. On me.