I like sleep. I'm not woke.
Fake woke people are unbalanced, judgmental, insecure, lost souls who don’t love themselves and I’d never share a joint with them until they get their act together. Speaking of weed.
JUST GIMME THE WEED
When did smoking become woke? Where the fuck was I? Nigga just roll the fucking blunt with the kill in it. No I don’t need rose pedals, green peppers, granola, coconut oil, and crystal particles in my backwoods. Keep your witchcraft blunt the fuck away from me. How in the fuck did yall make one of the most relaxing activities annoying? I would consider risking a headache and smoking reggie before smoking these Care Bears blunts yall rolling. You niggas want the blunts to be Erykah Badu so badly. Might as well put these new blunts on Pinterest and shit. The crazy part is half of this miscellaneous shit they put in the blunts aren’t meant to be burnt and even more fucking toxic than the blunt paper it’s self. They put more random shit in the blunt than the actual tree. Bout to start checking instagram pages and see who I’m sharing weed with from now on. If I spot pictures with Niggas in bushes and shorty has more than 2 flower pics then I’m not getting high that night. Keep your overcomplicated SZA blunts to yourself.
IT’S THE SEPTUM
Is it just me or when a woke person gets a septum piercing they become a bigger asshole? It’s like once that door knocker piercing is under their nose they unlock the ultra instinct of assholism. It's like the championship belt for being woke. They love hookah and incense too. They start talking to me about birth charts, moons, global warming, and playing with sticks outside like a 6 year old. If you take the septum piercing out they react like Bane from Batman when you disconnect one of his tubes in his mask and parts of their jerk powers are drained and they’re weakened. I don’t mind if someone teach me shit I didn’t know about but these people be assholes about it.
They shouldn’t have ever taught you niggas the words appropriation, representation, gentrification, marginalization, oppression, King, Queen, almond milk, whatever. A conversation with a woke person is like watching a episode of “She’s Gotta Have It.” They try too fucking hard. They’re a living Arthur fist. Like damn bruh I can’t listen to Bruno Mars? Shit that muhfucka cool with me. He made “Calling All My Lovelies” What the fuck you woke weirdos ever make? Yall make shitty youtube videos with piss poor audio with messages you think are deep but are as shallow as a puddle. Your life is fun police tweets. These people are offended by everything BUT the right shit to be offended by. Woke people are needy as fuck because they say dumb shit and they NEED people agree with it so they can feel like the stupid shit they say makes sense. Their existence is based on seeking approval from people but yet they claim they have more independence than everyone else. They’re a joke and they ruin all the jokes. Comedy is NOT the same no more cause of them. We used to be able to eat chicken in harmony before they started watching Brother Polight videos and stealing his quotes and using them in conversations where no one is listening to them. They’re more sensitive than a clit. I can say “I wrote 3 articles today” and them niggas will say some shit like “You still using the white man’s computer? You know that screen is blocking your 3rd eye from shining and you are further aiding in the gentrification, global warming of this nation that is ours and subjugating yourself by using it.” Get yo “Milk of Magnesia” ass away from me. Please. Listening to a fake woke person speak makes Oswald Bates from “In Living Color” sound like a genius.
IGNORANCE NOT FUN
Remember when ignorance was fun? Remember? Fast food places used to be fun as fuck before I knew what I knew about em. I stay clear from of em now but a part of me wants to go go back to that time that I never looked at the back of packages for calories and what’s in things I eat. I know it was super ignorant but eating healthy is sad and boring. Remember you could eat 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in one day and your friends would be jealous of you and somewhat proud of you for doing that? Now everyone is Dr.Sebi. Don’t get me wrong that man was brilliant and I want to follow his diet but man let’s keep it 100 that shit not fun. These woke niggas sit Indian style everywhere and eat stems for breakfast and go out their way to try to make you feel like shit. They’re super mean to women too. I don’t give a fuck about women with abs or flat stomachs. There’s some fire pussy under women with guts….. do your research. I’m not trying to fuck the female Michael B. Jordan bruh. It’s not that serious. These dorks become vegan for 2 days and tell you about every piece of food that taste like cardboard they ate every 2 hours. I’ve had enough. I’m proud of you drinking water bro congrats but how are you still musty on this woke journey? You drinking water but not putting none on your skin? All your soaps and deodorants are organic and you have no clue how the fuck they’re made or where they’re from you just bought it off twitter and instagram? Okay, gotcha. If you gonna be ignorant at least smell good and do fun ignorant shit.
WAVES FOR SLAVES
A nigga read a paragraph in a hotep book and now having waves is a sin against God. “If you got waves, my brother you a slave” looking ass. “The slave masters were jealous of their hair like wool so they cut it cause they ain’t cool” headass. “If the rag on you is doo then massa gone call you Timbuktu” looking ass. I’m not refuting the white people jealous of our hair part but did you ever factor in the fact that the slaves would work from sunrise to nightfall in brutal southern heat and having hair would make that shit worse? Waves are babyhairs for real niggas. What Babyhairs are to women that’s what waves are to men. I have dreads and part of the reason I do is because it’s some spiritual shit attached to it. I believed every time I have hair my life gets lit. It’s more superstition than anything but lets keep it 200. I got dreads cause my unorganized non planning ass got tired of waiting and wasting half my Saturdays in the barbershop listening to my 94499th LeBron James argument between grown ass men and the price of haircuts go up every 2 weeks bruh I swear. I didn’t have no plug bruh. I couldn’t do it no more. How in the fuck did fades with waves become the hairstyle of lost niggas? How?
I GUESS IT’S THE CLOTHES
Give a nigga a dashiki and I guess they Marcus Garvey now. Apparently I’m doing exactly what the “Man” wants me to do no matter what the activity is. Going to see Black Panther makes me a coon but these the same woke niggas using every piece of technology possible made by companies that endorse the same companies that funded the movie they want me to boycott. Get your Krusty Krab is unfair headasses on somewhere. If that’s the case nigga I need this boycott to go all the way wit it so gimme all your electronics so I can pawn them and go on a Amazon prime shopping spree and take your woke ass to live amongst the trees and dandelions in the forrest nigga. Matter fact that dashiki you wearing probably was made by a child slave making 3 cents an hour in some fucked up country. You can never disagree with these niggas and they always have some bullshit explanation to justify the dumb shit they say. How the fuck you preaching to me but I heard you playing rap music where at least 11 niggas was killed in one verse. Fuck outta here nigga. You ain’t shit just like the rest of us. Shut the fuck up and be ready to beg to get into heaven like the rest of us.
OH SO I’M TRASH NOW?
This is a touchy subject but I don’t give a fuck and I’m gonna just speak my mind on it. Yes men are trash, we not shit. Humans as a whole not shit but I’m a need some of you extra woke ass feminist to start watching the WNBA and eating coochie asap or shut the fuck up forever. I only give a fuck about black women when it comes to feminism because they’re on the bottom of the totem pole along with black men but they get treated worse than me. Until they’re ahead of me and other women then I’m good but some women of color take this feminism shit too far especially when the majority of the white women they march with wouldn’t help them with anything or they quiet when a black woman is killed in any way shape or form. These ultra too woke feminist be saying weirdo shit like “Every man was born a rapist” but still sucking dick for recreation or co signing men being falsely accused of sexual assault and rape. I literally saw a woman try to justify a kid losing his college career due to a white woman lying on him and she said some fake woke shit like “If a few innocent men suffer for the cause so be it.” Shut the fuck up and go get a G.I Jane haircut you fucking dweeb.
Y’ALL ALL BROKE
Yall have all this knowledge about how I’m living wrong and the world. All these opinions nobody asked you for. All this knowledge and yet no knowledge on how to get a bank account not in the negative. Woke people are the most sneaky, trash, dishonest people I’ve ever seen. These niggas are all about the dollar they preach against just like everyone else. These niggas forever begging for some shit. These niggas beg more than Gator from “Jungle Fever.” How you so enlightening but your lights off in the crib? They the ones preaching about support of the community but haven’t put a dime of their own money into the community they take your money and put whatever is left of it into the community after they spent it on their ratchet ass life. Ask them the last time they supported a black business. Watch em lie. They also blame everybody but themselves for their failure. It’s always someone else fault. Nah you just not as smart as you think you are. Yes the Government trash. Always have been. Always will be. But how they stopping you from running up a check?
Just cause you woke don’t mean you moving……. Damn that sounded like some shit a woke muhfucka would say.