Shana 01.jpg


Remember that episode of The Cosby Show where Vanessa was dating that dude Elliot and Denise gave him advice about breaking up with his girlfriend Shana and then Shana showed up to Vanessa’s house (cause she drove him there) and he kept saying she was difficult and had a strong personality? She was all over Elliot’s back calling him weak and that he can be easily manipulated. Yes Shana was somewhat of a harsh girl but she never lied in her explanation of Elliot’s personality. It was spot on. Shana is what men would label as a “Difficult Woman” but in reality Shana was just strong as fuck, honest, and didn’t take no shit. A lot of men out here really need Shana’s in their lives. Shana wouldn't be harsh if she had a man who actually had a set of nuts but she didn't. Instead she's a babysitter. 


Now there are cases where some women are truly difficult. Some guys are really great guys and do everything exceptionally right and it’s never enough and they can never make their woman happy. The woman will still blame them for shit and never give them credit for anything. That’s more on the mental health side of things. If someone doesn’t love themselves then nobody or anything will make them happy.


I’m talking about men (including me) who do just enough and the women in our life say “fuck that I want more” and instead of doing more we label them as difficult or claim we don’t want to deal with difficult women. Basically as men we're students that do just enough to get the C or D in class and women don't give us a pass and tell us that's not good enough. They want A's and A's only. 


When a man says they don’t want to deal with a difficult woman that usually means they're intimidated by the fact they can't get any with the toxic shit they did in their dating past and they want a woman who’s easily impressed by their mediocrity and easily impressed in general. Also easily manipulated. 


There’s nothing difficult about women. Their requests are simple. We, as men are generally focused on how the requests are relayed to us. As usual we worried bout the wrong shit. We’re worried about the context the request was said in and the number of times they remind us of what they expect from us instead of being worried about if she’s right. This leads to toleration from both people in the relationship. 


Now if you’re both tolerating each other then it’s best that you be apart because if you have to tolerate something that means your heart is not in it, you’re not passionate about it and you’re just there for the sake of being there. You tolerate jobs. You should never tolerate your better half. All that does is lead to resentment. 


Men need a woman that is difficult because a difficult woman will help you grow more than you could by yourself. A woman emotionally feels the relationship on a deeper level that a man can’t get to. If she says something you’re doing isn’t good enough then the shit not good enough and she wants it to change. 


Your woman doesn’t really love you or feel you if she’s not challenging you. Your woman is on your case about doing better because she wanna feel if the strength in you is there. If a woman settles for less then who knows what the fuck else she will settle for and a strong woman knows that so she will challenge you all the time. She wants to see how you respond and if you’re able to rise to occasion, and most importantly she believes you can because if she didn’t she wouldn’t even be on your case about anything. You know the saying, “If she stops caring you need to be worried.” 


The difficult woman can see you win 3 straight Super Bowls and will say "So, go win 6 more." The more you grow as a man the more your woman is going to want to bring the best out of you. She’s gonna try to squeeze every drop of potential out of you and that’s the best thing for a man to have in a relationship. As men we call it nagging or complaining but as a man if you have to ask yourself “Is she right?” Then most likely she is and the nagging is warranted. 


You know how attractive it is to woman for you as a man to listen to a request she had of you and you actually execute the shit exceptionally? You can do the most extravagant shit for your lady, buy your woman the world itself but the shit that will give her the greatest joy is if you listened to what they asked for, agreed to handle it, and actually handled it better than she thought you would. Her coochie wet on the spot after that. A man who honors his word is the man that has the world. A man who says what he's gonna do and actually does it, rarely loses. That’s a hard man to beat or bring down. And she don’t want you to do the shit just to make her happy she wants you to do it because it’s what’s right for the relationship.


Even when you arguing with your lady and she says some fucked up shit about you, she challenging you just to see how you react and how you handle it. She gone remember that shit. She saw that she couldn’t make you fold and act outta your body. If she’s an adult she will admit she was wrong for saying what she said and apologize to you but the fact she saw you stand on all ten toes, hold court, and didn’t act immaturely or run and tell people outside your relationship about the argument shorty gone be thinking “Damn my man is the real deal.” Women always testing us. They test us because they love us. The woman who truly give a fuck about you and truly love the fuck outta you will test you the most. Just be solid and you’ll never fail the test. 


The difficult woman is a strong woman. She has something to bring to the table. She makes the relationship interesting. She will make you think in ways you never thought you could as a man. She makes you work for and earn her love. She pushes you to be the best and to never settle. She is not easily impressed. You have to know what you want before you look in her direction and if what you want don’t work with what she wants then she will let you know that.


I don’t think we should keep calling women who have high expectations of people who they’re intimate with, give their time, and energy to difficult anymore. They’re just strong women who know what the fuck they want. Go prove your worth to one. 




Follow us on twitter and instagram 




Listen to the blog podcast Polite Coolery.