WHY HOME ALONE IS TRASH
I’ve watched this movie at least 5 times the past 5 days and I love it. It’s in my top 3 personal favorite Christmas movies but let’s be real. This movie is trash.
This is why Home Alone is trash.
THE PARENTS
Kevin had thee worst parents in movie history. He was probably better off being raised by meth addicts. We still don’t know what the fuck they did for a living but we knew they were rich as fuck and had enough money to fly their entire family out to Paris during the holidays. It’s clear as fucking day that his mother wasn’t shit when Kevin was fighting his older brother Buzz she didn’t bother to see why the fight occurred. The boy didn’t get to eat. His food was eaten. She didn’t even make sure her child was fed. She then proceeded to send him to the attic hungry as his punishment. She did not attempt to get information about the fight. Saying shit like “Maybe you should ask Santa for a new family” is some of the most irresponsible shit you could say to a child Kevin’s age. Then when he replies “I don’t wanna see you for the rest of my life” she immediately tries to play the victim and make it seem like Kevin was being too harsh. Bitch you have him sleeping in an attic hungry and showed him no empathy. The fuck did you expect? The Father was the most oblivious rich white man I ever seen. No worries about shit except his collection of designer cashmere coats he has in his closets.
I would call social services on these idiots. They’re going to fucking Paris, France and they don’t even pack this child suitcase. Are you kidding me? Kevin’s parents were bad people.
BUZZ
This is the ugliest child I’ve seen in my life. The fact that Kevin was unable to joan on this human garbage disposal and make him cry is a disgrace. Buzz head weighs 46 pounds. He looks like Krumm from “Ahh Real Monsters.” He look like he sweats oil and vinegar. His teeth look like they grow hair on em and are more crooked than a mega church pastor. He starts shit and is never held accountable for it. He’s clearly a piece of shit that probably grew up to become a senator. Just like a senator he starts shit blames someone else for it and blends in with the Lynch mob like a weasel. His name is “Buzz.” Why is his name a crew cut? Dude name sounds like he’s a sexual predator that works at a post office.
THE FAMILY
Throw Kevin’s entire family away. His Uncle hates his guts like he fucked his wife. You call your nephew a jerk in front of the whole family? You have no respect. This sweater vest Raisin Bran eating mothafucka has a lot of nerve. He supposed to be the adult. This moron’s child isn’t even potty trained and I doubt his old Mr.Burns looking ass is potty trained too. Kevin’s brother called him a “disease” and no adult stepped in and said that ugly ass kid from The Adventures Of Pete & Pete was out of line? Unbelievable.
No one notices Harry as a police officer in the house. Did he just walk in? Did someone let him in? That’s white privilege in it’s purest form where a police officer can come into your home and you don’t even give a fuck if he is there. You don’t even notice. Must be nice. Police step into my home I’m under assumption they are trying to harm me.
When it’s time to wake up for the trip, nobody gets up on time. How does that happen? That’s impossible for kids. Kids wake up at 5-6am all the time. You mean to tell me outta all the pieces of shit in that big ass house nobody got up before or at 8am? Makes no sense. Kevin went to bed before everyone and if you ever been punished you know you always go to bed early cause you mad and you wake up early as fuck and come out of the room because the punishment is over. Kevin didn’t hear none of the commotion in the morning. How? Why is this family so clueless. Well having all the passports and plane tickets in the kitchen next to the food is a dead giveaway of this entire family sharing one brain.
KEVIN IS A SERIAL KILLER
He can’t pack a suitcase. He doesn’t know how to shop. Yet he knows how to rig a blowtorch to a door. Hang paint cans on stairways. He knows how to turn a mansion into a Saw movie but no other simple shit. Once I saw this sociopath attempt to eat macaroni and cheese with a knife I knew this kid was on his way to harming multiple people in his future. He was shooting with great aim with a B.B gun. This kid must be stopped before he becomes a full fledged terrorist. He could’ve called the police 100 times but he continued his attempt to murder these two morons. He is a psychopath.
SHITTY NEIGHBORS
Nobody in this neighborhood noticed this shitty blue van just roaming the neighborhood and walking up and sneaking around people houses? No one thought that was suspicious? A tall white man with an afro is unnoticeable now? This dude is a lanky Bob Ross in a homeless man coat and no one sees this idiot? Plus none of these robberies ON THE SAME STREET were reported? If multiple burglaries are happening on the same street that van would’ve been searched. No criminal is staying in a neighborhood they just robbed just to get one home. They would’ve started on that home from the start.
The only good thing about this movie is Johnny inability to count to 10 and continuing his rise in the underworld after A.C wasn’t in charge no more. Terrible movie but I still love it.
Peace
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