10 HORROR MOVIES FOR DATE NIGHT
It’s the most wonderful time of the year bitch. Fuck Santa Claus. It’s halloween season. The best part is handing out immaculate booty rubs while watching people get stabbed or possessed by evil spirits. Rubbing cheeks while watching movies where characters get their head bussed to the white meat is my kinda time.
Uncle Benny is here to give you a list of 10 perfect horror movies for date night.
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003)
This shit right here might get you some cutty by the end of it. Jessica Biel was in this film looking like top shelf white milk in this movie. When the race war happens I might have to disappoint my ancestors and save her from her bitch ass husband. .
Anyway, A few jump scares in this one. The sound of a chainsaw gets the coochie wet from experience (allegedly). A lot of fire scenes in this movie that will bring you closer to your date.
THE CONJURING
Paranormal pussy? Sign me up nigga. I consider this movie a horror classic and a must have in your rotation of date night films. The lesson in this film is to always trust dogs. Also ghosts and demons really be trolling. Like nigga why are you trying to scare me over and over. Just fling me across the room and murder me expeditiously nigga.
SCREAM
This movie is so fucking ridiculous when you think about it. You gotta roll one up and just laugh both y’all drawls off. Stu was the most likable killer I ever seen. Stu and Billy were basically if Pinky and The Brain became serial killers.
BRIDE OF CHUCKY
Psychopathic humor. He killed this bitch like 3 times in this movie. A true love story. Bonnie & Clyde of horror films. The kills in this movie were fire too. It don’t feel right watching this by yourself.
TALES FROM THE HOOD
This movie is even greater if you watching it with somebody who never seen it cause it’s a ridiculous ass movie. You never really lived until you have a kitty in your mouth and the little niglet part of the movie comes on. You just have to stop and laugh at that shit.
HALLOWEEN
This is a no brainer. Watching Michael Myers terrorize his hometown in a dirty dickies suit while you making out with a shorty who smell like vanilla is the only way to do this life shit. Not watching Halloween is like not having baked macaroni at Thanksgiving. It’s blasphemous.
JENNIFER’S BODY
I know this movie is deemed as a terrible movie but man this shit is timeless to me. There’s so many funny ass lines in this movie and the movie itself is just pure fun. It’s truly a work of art. As the girlies say this film is “cunt” and a comedy horror film ahead of its time. You will appreciate your date more if you sit through this.
FREDDY VS JASON
I fucking dare you and your date to do shrooms and watch this movie. It’s either going to be the best night of your life or the worst night of your life but at least you’ll have each other and watch 2 horror icons try to slaughter each other.
THE FACULTY
There’s days I think this is the greatest horror movie of all time. This the most 90’s ass movie so you gotta do some 90’s ass shit like dj scratch the coochie or some faculty role play. Anywho. This movie has one of the best intros to a horror film ever.
THIRTEEN GHOSTS
I remember I couldn’t sleep after seeing The Jackal. Your date may have the same fate low key. Classic movie.
Love, Benny
