FREDDY VS JASON REVIEW
Do you know that this movie was a dream for niggas? No pun intended. In elementary school we always had hypothetical debates. Can the power rangers beat up the Ninja Turtles? Fuck no! Mikey would murder all them niggas. What if the Recess kids went up against the kids from Hey Arnold? A fucking massacre would happen. The PS 118 kids have Big Gino and Wolfgang. They’re not losing. We have lived for crossover content our whole lives.
When the streets got Freddy vs Jason we jumped for joy like the first time we seen a titty. Now we really wanted Michael Myers vs Jason but beggars can’t be choosers.
We aint fuck with Freddy like that cause he was a freaky ass nigga and a 69 God. He got those charges that’ll get you stabbed immediately before you even try to make up your mattress in the county jail. We didn’t give a fuck about a freaky ass nigga in a red and black H&M sweater.
If you think about it there’s nothing but Freddy Krueger’s that run the government. They’re racist people who try to manipulate everyone and hide the fact that they touched children. A administration full of pure sickos. Anyway..
Freddy vs Jason is a fun fucking movie. The way that they blended both mythologies of Jason and Freddy was fucking great. They didn’t do too much and make it confusing and they didn’t make it boring. It’s a film that’s actually really well written.
Freddy is trapped in hell and he needs to get back to full power so he can be a sexual weirdo in niggas dreams again so he uses Jason to go on a killing spree in the town to strike fear into the entire town which that fear gives him his powers back.
Jason goes on a killing spree like Jamie Foxx goes on a fucking spree with white bitches in Hollywood parties. His kill count in this movie was higher than Nick Cannon’s body count.
The main characters are trying to stay awake and defeat Freddy before he gets back to full strength. Freddy realizes that Jason won’t stop killing everyone and taking away all his potential victims so that puts Freddy in the position of trying to kill Jason. It’s really a simple plot.
This movie was released in 2003 so it’s very 2000’s. Good and bad. It was a different time back then. Eminem was the biggest rapper in the world and his albums were full of offensive things like abuse, the R word, hyper violence. Homophobic slurs are said in this movie and it just reminded of the time where no one would even blink if it was said. It was said in music and films as normally as drinking water. The last movie I think of where slurs were thrown around loosely was “The Hangover.”
We don’t get fun movies like this no more. Every thing is serious. Every thing has to get awards. We always gotta have this super avant garde shit. What happened to just good ol corny and cheesy bad films? Films that didn’t take themselves seriously. Films where I just turn my brain off and just fucking laugh at dumb shit while drinking the most sugary fucking drink I can find? It’s like the time McDonald’s tried to be healthy. Bitch I came to McDonald’s to be unhealthy. Why in the fuck are you trying to offer me salad? Why are you mentioning calorie count? Remember when McDonald’s was fun? Society could super size their fries in peace.
I gotta give this bitch ass nigga Freddy his props. His weird ass got hands. He was putting Jason arms in arm locks and tagging his big zombie ass. He was throwing knees, kicks and was slipping punches. He was quick on his feet. The choreography in the fights was good especially when Freddy and Jason would fight in Freddy’s dream world. Freddy is able to psychologically battle Jason which isn’t explored often in people trying to stop Jason.
I don’t give a fuck. Kelly Rowland has always been a bad bitch to me. I wanted her back then. I want her today. Ain’t shit changed. She was my favorite character in the movie. When Freddy called her “Dark Meat” in the movie I couldn’t even be mad cause that’s a woman that makes me drool.
Comedy. Lore. Gore. I wish we had more. Freddy vs Jason is a bad film but a special film that brings smiles to the faces of people who have taste. What a time to be alive.
Love, Benny
