Benny

THINKING........... DURING MASTER OF NONE

Benny
THINKING........... DURING MASTER OF NONE

Aziz Ansari is one of my favorite actors. He's cheesy but hilarious. A special person introduced me to the show "Parks And Recreation" because I don't watch much of anything outside of HBO and Comedy Central and I've been a fan of his since watching the show. He currently has a show on Netflix he created along with Alan Yang called "Master Of None" and I've watched the first season completely a total of 3 times. The show is really relatable for me because the characters in the show are around my age and the situations Dev(Aziz) go through are freakishly similar to my life. I just don't live in New York unfortunately. Every time I watch Season 1 I usually have the same random thoughts. I'm just going to share them. If you've never watched this show please watch. Especially if you're 27 years old or older. The Prime years. 

KIDS? KIDS! YOU'RE A KID! SORT OF. 

Okay I'm not a kid. I'm grown as fuck. I'm just sort of immature. I'm not as bad as the people in that song called "2nd Childhood" by Nas but last year I had to be honest with myself and face reality. Deep down I want kids. If life was perfect I'd have 4 kids. 2 girls 2 boys and if allowed by their mother I'd name them all anime characters names. I will not name the names just in case one of you reading this will steal my wave. Teach them why Hey Arnold is the greatest. Read books with them. Watch them sleep. Get upset at them for doing kid shit and finally understand what my parents went through. There is also a part of me is scared to be a father and to raise a child in this fucked up world. Things are ruthless these days. I won't be able to do what I want because every decision I make I have to think about my kids. I can't just wake up one day and say "I'm going to Seattle next weekend." Moving freely like that with children is impossible unless I want to be a deadbeat father. Plus I'd eat all my kids snacks. Dev watching his friends kids for only 2 hours on episode 1 and thinking "Fuck This" afterwards is hilarious. 

I WANT TO LIKE MY WIFE.

Seriously if I ever get married I just want to like my wife. You ever see a man that loves his wife by default? He looks dead inside. No bullshit. He is DEAD inside. He loves his wife but he doesn't LIKE his wife. He's just there because he's a good guy. He doesn't want to cheat because that just adds drama. He's staying true to their vows and loves her but he doesn't like her. Only time he is happy is when he gets a rare chance to kick it with his boys. I want the rare case of loving and liking my wife at the same time. Like and love is truly a difference people sleep on. There's people I love I mean really LOVE and I can't be around them for more than 30 minutes or I'm going to fucking snap, that's what a married guy who loves his wife but doesn't really like her is going through. I just want to enjoy the company of my woman without the thought of sex going through my mind, or receive a text message and not think "Oh god" when I see her name pop up, that is how I know if I like her. It doesn't stop there either. Have you ever seen a woman trying to get her boyfriend or husband to like her by doing his hobbies with him but she becomes even more annoying? It's not real and doesn't last. I just want to actually like my wife. Watching episode 1 and seeing Dev's friend Kyle basically tell Dev he loves his wife but dislikes her was the realest shit ever. Poor guy was dying inside. This brought me to my next thought.

RELATIONSHIP PERCEPTION

Why do people try to feed to the world that their relationship is perfect? It's nothing but happiness. Kyle did this to Dev at the beginning of episode 1 by feeding Dev fairy tale bullshit before ultimately breaking down at the end and telling Dev basically his marriage is falling apart and basically is dead. I see this on social media often and I just smirk at the people who I know are lying. They care what people think that much that even if they're fed up with whoever they're with and unhappy they will continue to be with that person so they can keep up the image they've created. They're afraid to breakup and move on because they're afraid what people will say. Just to give you an example I've had women who've portrayed their relationships as the happiest shit on planet earth on social media continuously contact me behind their boyfriends backs. It's pure comedy. All I think to myself is "If you're so happy and in love, why are you contacting me?" If I truly like and love my woman there's no way I'm contacting a woman outside of business related activities behind her back. Remember what I said about Like versus Love? They officially love that person by default mainly because of the time they've invested into that person. They don't LIKE them anymore. I don't ask them why they're contacting me or trying to meet up, I just assume they're bored. I've fucked women that were in relationships it's nothing new but I've never been the one to initiate contact first. They have. I've done that shit 3 times. One of the times the girl didn't tell me she had a boyfriend. I'm not on that wave too often because it's just energy that you don't want around you. People die over shit like that. I'll never fuck with a real marriage though everything else is fair game if you ask me. It's facts, if you're not married you're single. Kids or no kids, 10 years together, whatever it's the truth. 

KING OF SINGLEDOM 

Being single doesn't bother me because I embrace my loneliness. A lot of people think that's unhealthy but shit how do you think I get writing done? I just think the dating process is just mentally draining. Going out to bars. Clubs. Parties. Getting to know people all over again. Being single is cool. Dating is stupid. I just rather get to know someone over time then out the blue just tell them I like them so we at least have a sense of each other already, instead of setting up dates and being completely in the dark. There's nothing wrong with that though. I'm just telling you if was able to choose what option I would go with. 

BARS MAKE ME SAD

Bars are just sad man. The smell of them. The atmosphere. They're really sad. I have to be with friends. I cannot go to a bar by myself. Dev, Brian, and Arnold lived in bars throughout the season until Dev got into a relationship and once he was exclusively dating someone he realized how sad bars are. I think they're sad whether single or married. 

THANK GOD FOR MY PARENTS

I'm lucky to have grown up with both parents in the household. I thank god for that everyday. They've shown me stability, supported my passions, and raised me the best they've could. I wouldn't be shit without them. I thought this while seeing Dev's loving parents throughout the season. 

CHASING GOALS ARE ROUGH

Dev was a aspiring actor doing commercials and he was encountering obstacle after obstacle until he really hit rock bottom and just said fuck it I'm going to put this on hold and try something different and took a huge risk. Chasing goals are rough. You're taking a risk because you don't know if what you're chasing is truly for you. You have to sacrifice a lot. It's just a hard time. I was doing music for 5 years and shit just wasn't going how I planned and then 1 day I just said fuck plans and just looked up how to create a website on the fly and here we are. Writing my thoughts is way more fulfilling for me than writing music. I honestly hate attention and rapping brings too much unwanted attention and telling women you rap is a fucking nightmare too. You're better off telling them you sell crack. Everyone is a rapper. I just rather chill. 

RAMEN IS DELICIOUS AS FUCK

Ramen is just fucking awesome. One of the reasons I'm planning to go to Tokyo. I want to meet the plug. I need that real ramen. 

I HATE LOVE NEW YORK

I've been once. I love the food. The culture. Buildings and Brownstones. There's cool art. There's always something to do. It's New York. My Aunt and Uncle are from The Bronx and I have a few homies that live there. Now the cons, everything expensive for no fucking reason. Nobody can drive. They ride your bumper so fucking close. You cannot drive like that where I live. You're getting shot. Period. Honking horns. I've heard more honking horns in 30 minutes than I've heard in my entire life living in St.Louis. It stinks. There's big ass rats. East coast winters are brutal. It takes so much time to get to places. New York is the complete opposite of my personality but I wouldn't mind living there especially since I've started writing more. It's something on my mind daily. We love and hate everything anyway so what does it matter?

I GOTTA START GIVING SHIT GRADES

Brian (Dev's friend) would give grades to women, functions, food, and party atmospheres. I think i'm going to start doing that. It seems very efficient. If you ask me how's the women at the party and I say A- that means bring your ass on. 

RETURN OF THE MACK IS THE GREATEST SONG EVER

Future's "March Madness" is a close second but "Return Of The Mack" by Mark Morrison is the greatest song ever created. I still don't know what the fuck he saying 20 years later. Just like Future. I just turn the fuck up. 

CHEATING

Cheating is bad. I told you I'd never sleep with a married woman. A man has to have a code right? Dev met Nina on some fluke shit, and ended up hitting it off with her. She brought him back to her fancy apartment so he can smash and right then and there Dev found out she was married. He tried to not to get the box but he couldn't hold out. I understood why Dev fucked Nina. She was a Top Shelf Rich White Woman and her husband was a dickhead. It would've been hard for any man to turn down what Dev was offered. In the end Nina and her husband's marriage becoming stronger because of their cheating was really interesting to see. It took fucking other people on the side to really realize what's important for them in life. I'm not saying do that shit but if it works for you then who am I to judge?

TRAVELING FOR A FIRST DATE

Dev taking Rachel to Nashville for their first date was the most bossed up shit ever. I've never traveled with someone I was dating. I've hooked up with women in the cities I was visiting but of course that doesn't count. A first date like that is dope. I hope to do that someday. 

IT'S COOL TO HAVE DIFFERENT FRIENDS

Dev had a cool black gay friend (Denise), a cool weird white giant friend (Arnold), a cool asian friend (Brian) and that's a dope combo. They can all put him onto cool shit. The dialogue between Dev and Denise (Lena Waithe) throughout the season was so dope. Loved all their scenes together. 

FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND YOUR HUMOR ARE UNDERRATED

If your homies get your humor you wont have a dull or offensive moment. If your significant other gets your humor keep them around. You ever been around people who don't get your humor? It's a fucking buzzkill. 

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

I've never been in one so I really can't say if they're good or bad. At one point in my childhood I lived in Seattle and St.Louis with my mom while my dad stayed in Kentucky because of his job. They made it work though. I will say that it sucks when you really like someone and they live thousands of miles away from you. Some people don't care and still commit to each other anyway. I can't say if they're wrong or right. You just have to go with your heart. If you feel they're are worth it then you'll make it work somehow. There was a point in the season that a long distance relationship would be a possibility for Dev. Can't imagine how hard that would be. 

TACO RESEARCH IS REAL

In every city I travel to I'm looking for Taco's and who has the best tacos. This shit is very real. I won't leave until I have a taco from whatever city I'm in. 

LIVING WITH YOUR PARTNER SHOULDN'T BE WORK

This is where you really find out who your partner is. What makes them tick. What they can do to annoy you. What habits they have good or bad. It's all about adapting. I've lived with one of my ex's and honestly it was pure hell. Nothing against her, she's cool but it was literally hell. We were young and didn't know how to adapt to each other's moods and personalities so it made those years a nightmare. Those years never happened if you ask me. It was literally like going to a shitty job, so that didn't work out well. It's true it's not always fun. There's exciting moments and boring ones. Exciting sex and boring routine sex like Dev and Rachel had. You're going to clash here and there but there should be more cool times than fucked up ones. If not. Move the fuck out. Dev and Rachel found out space was the reason their chemistry was working so well. It's easy to tolerate someone you don't live with. You can just go the fuck home. Problem solved. I urge couples to actually sit down and have a in depth conversation about moving in together before they do it. 

I'M AFRAID

I'm 30 years old (I don't look it at all) and I spent majority of my 20's traveling within the states partying, being in terrible relationships, going to school and dropping out, basically my 20's are a blur. I seriously can't think of anything awesome except traveling. Almost anyone reading this would NEVER want my life. I've fucked up a lot of shit for myself in my 20's so now I'm playing catch up. You want to know the 2 dangerous things I did to cripple myself? I didn't face fear and I followed people. It took me literally until I was 29 to realize this. I've always been a late bloomer but when I understand something I excel very highly with it. I wasn't doing music because I wanted to I was doing it because people urged me to. I didn't go to college because I wanted to. I went because I was pressured into going and worrying about what everyone thought if I didn't go. I went on trips, following people in fear of missing out on fun when I knew I should've stayed at home. I was afraid to say fuck what anyone thinks I'm doing what the fuck I want to do. I've done some irresponsible things and some of those things were fun and I'll remember forever. If you're younger than me and you're reading this please don't waste time and please practice the use of balance. If you're working a shitty job like me, please take that money you make and invest in your passion. Make the hours you put in at a job that you hate count. I didn't face fear at all in my 20's. I played it safe and it got me nowhere. I don't want anyone to make the same mistake I made. I was a loser then and I'm a loser now but the difference is that I recognize it now instead of being in denial about it. I'm not depressed or no shit like that. Depression is me calling myself a loser and thinking there is no hope for myself. On my 30th birthday I seriously wrote down on paper why do I believe I'm a loser and at the end of what I wrote I put "So what the fuck are you going to do about it?" My life changed at that moment. I said fuck plans I'm a just do what the fuck I want to do and show more love. Don't ever set a goal based on someone else's expectations. I kept that in mind and I started this site. Now I wake up with a purpose. I'm happier. I love writing. Now I can build upon that and just keep climbing. Writing has awaken something in me that I never knew was there. I never saw what's there in my 20's because I was too busy following people. Trying to be at every function. Trying to be cool. Fuck cool. Just love. Love others and most importantly love yourself. Quit trying to fit in. I see straight grown mothafuckas still trying to fit in. It's because in high school they were unpopular and had a shitty experience or their parents were strict and wouldn't let them do shit so they waste their adult years trying to make up for lost time. Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing. LOSING TIME. These people who you're trying to impress won't come to your wedding, support the birth of your kids, or go to your funeral. THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU! Grab a passport and start giving a fuck about your time.

Everyone is afraid. Dev and Rachel understood this on the last episode. Dev went to Italy and Rachel went to Tokyo. Just packed their shit and left. They started giving a fuck about time. You just gotta take a chance. If you fail. Well you're alive and the earth is still intact. Review what you did wrong and keep going from there. There are only 2 emotions in life and that's love and fear. They're the foundation to every other emotion. I'm afraid and I will always be. Fear can never go away but your passion is stronger than your fear. Love helps keep fear under control. Fear is trying to protect you. It's too overprotective. It's sort of like a defense mechanism because it's trying to prevent you from feeling pain but when it shows up sometimes you just have to tell it "Chill homie, I can handle this." I had all the excuses in the world why I shouldn't do what I want. Fuck excuses. Excuses keep you small. They stunt growth. We were meant to love and expand so do that shit. It's nothing wrong with being afraid. It's being afraid and stagnant that will fuck you up. 

- Benny