Ahhhh it's that time of the year again. Valentine's Day. You're either madly in love, Lonely as fuck, or don't give a fuck and content eating a whole tub of Ice Cream all Sunday. Doesn't matter. It's just a holiday right? I've always been neutral about Valentine's Day. When I was in a relationship I didn't really care for it unless my lady did. When I'm single I get a few hints and bait texts trying to get me to pay for dates and shit but I don't really care. It's just another day whether i'm single or not. I'm happy for those who choose to celebrate it though.
After seeing some questions from men and women asking what they should get their significant others. I had some ideas that may be able to help both sides out. In all the relationships I've had I've gotten 2 Valentine's Day gifts other than that the gift I always got was pwussy (Plies voice). I never complained. Who don't love pwussy? I always viewed this day as a woman's holiday so I never really cared about getting gifts. Anyway. Here are some gifts I recommend for your significant other if you're stuck. I'm a gentleman so fellas we're giving gifts to the ladies first.
The key with dealing with giving women gifts is "Thoughtfulness." The more thought you put into the gift you give your woman the faster the drawls drop. I'm not telling you go to fucking Jared's and drop 5-6 racks on some real shit. No. Women wear all types of jewelry and the prices range from 1.00 to 1000.00. No lie. Women are very easy to shop for because they don't care about how much shit cost. They just care if it looks cute on them and there is ALWAYS shit on sale for women. You can buy her a locket and get a little message inscribed on it or do the same with a bracelet. Wrap it up real neat to have your presentation on point and then give it to her. The fact you took the time to get something personalized for her will speak volumes.
SNACKS AND WINE
Simple right? Let's say your woman loves to eat gummy bears, Snickers and Frooties. If she does I hope she flosses everyday but anyway hit up a store and get a gift bag full of all that shit. Grab her favorite bottle of Wine or liquor along with that. You have to present it along with your big gift though. So go buy her a nice pair of shoes/boots too. Don't just show up with a bag full of candy and wine and that's it. She'll flame the fuck out of you to the nigga that's been trying to fuck her that she got sidelined in her DM's just in case you do some fuck shit. You don't want that to happen do you? It don't have to be candy your woman could love Strawberry Shortcake Rolls or Hot Wings. I don't know, just get her favorite stuff to eat. It shows you pay attention to what she likes. The word of the day is "Thoughtfulness." I personally try to avoid Valentine's Candy in heart boxes basically anything sold only during Valentine's season.
This for my homies who got gwop and actually LOVE their woman. Okay you buy a new ipod right. You make a dope ass playlist(s) on it. It could be you guys favorite songs mixed in with her favorite songs. Songs you love that remind you of her. Shit even throw a fire ass 90's R&B mix on that mothafucka. If you REALLY real you'd make a Trap Music playlist and throw "Futuristic Love" by Yung LA on it. She might cry when she hear it. She'll love the fuck out of it because of what? You guessed it! Thoughtfulness! She now has a brand new Mp3 player and the way it was presented to her was dope. Now, just like the snacks. Don't just come with only the ipod. Throw some girly gifts in there with it. I feel weird just giving my woman electronics and nothing else.
I'm sure she'll entertain the thought of a 3-some if you do this. Not saying she would go through with it but she'd definitely think about it. Warning though. If you give her these tickets, prepare for the flood gates in your DM's to open. Your girl will post those tickets to show the world and the thirsties will come. It's automatic. Act accordingly.
DISTORTEDD ART PARTY TICKETS
I'm quite serious. Buy her some Distortedd Art tickets to the St.Louis or Chicago parties. You'll look like one cultured mothafucka if you do this. You may not know shit about Art but you look like you do if you go to this event. Buy them along with some other gifts you got her. She'll love it because it's about to be lit and you'll secretly have an excuse to stare at Distortedd fine ass. Buy tickets here http://www.distortedd.com/events.html
BAGS IN BAGS
Your relationship ain't shit if you never talked about traveling with your lady so this is what you do. Buy her a purse. A nice one. Put candy and a card with written thoughts inside the card on how you feel about her inside the purse. Put the purse inside a nice traveling duffel bag (Herschel has some dope ones). Put the duffel bag inside a nice suitcase. Boom. Bags in Bags. You both then pick a place to travel to for a week in the summer and start planning. Simple but complex gift.
Lastly just give her some good dih (Plies Voice) to end the night..... After the gifts.
Okay ladies it's the gentlemen's turn. This is really cut and dry. We're simple creatures. Easy to please but kind of expensive to shop for. Here are some gift ideas for men.
Look. We simple as fuck. Just give us a gift card to our favorite store. if he's a electronic junkie then give him a best buy gift card. Cover every base and give him a Amazon gift card. Just give him gift cards. If he complains about it then dump that dweeb. He sits down to pee.
Give him a gift card sunday then pick a day after Valentine's Day to just shut the fuck up. I'm serious. Just be quiet, cook for him or buy his favorite meal then give him head. He's going to think "Damn. She cooked. Shut the fuck up while I was watching The O.J Simpson show. Gave me face. I have to marry this woman."
Take him to see Deadpool. Regardless if you don't know what it's about. Just do it. Real G's like Deadpool. You'll definitely be up for woman of the year if you do this. Buy him some Timbs too along with this.
50 HOT WINGS & THE ALL STAR GAME
Get like 50 Hot Wings from wherever you want to get them. Buy his favorite snacks and let that man watch The NBA All Star Game in peace. It's Kobe's last all star game. It's important to every guy out there. Be bae of the century and hold it down for a G.
STREET FIGHTER 5
If he already has a PS4 just buy the game for him. If he doesn't have a PS4 and you buy him one along with games, being quiet and give him food man that nigga will never leave you.
JACKETS AND HOODIES
Personally I love a good jacket or hoodie. Your guy will too. It's all about being cozy in these streets. Definitely a good route to go in the clothing gift department. If you in St.Louis I recommend you stop by D.N.A and get your man fly. Go here for more info. http://www.dna1308.com/
RELEASE YOUR INNER JAZMINE CASHMERE
This is critical to end Valentine's Day for him. Very critical. Who is Jazmine Cashmere? The greatest porn star ever and if your man is real then she's most likely your man's favorite porn star ever. You have 3 days counting today. Go on XNXX and study the Jazmine Cashmere game tapes. Copy what she does. We're men. We're physical and visual creatures. We want that. What I'm about to say next is the most important part of this. This is the key part. --> You have to want to do it for you. Not for us. Let me repeat that. You have to want to do it for you. Not us. Ask yourself this. Who do you think is going to give better head? The woman who absolutely loves sucking dick or the woman who only gives head on Valentine's Day and Birthday's at her man's request? Women who don't understand this usually get cheated on and left for a uglier woman. It's not about looks. The woman he cheating with has more Jazmine Cashmere in her than you. She's filthier in the bedroom. Period. Think of it this way. Perform in the bedroom as if your student loans debt and all your credit card debt would be cleared depending on your performance. Perform as if you have a sextape coming out and you don't want nobody to call it trash. Release your inner Jazmine but like I said you have to want to do it for you. If you don't want to release your inner Jazmine Cashmere for yourself then this part is pointless but if you do your man will always be by your side and happy.
Happy Valentines Day to all you couples out there and Happy Birthday to some of yall unborn children that's coming 9 months later after Sunday.