Benny

A POLITE GUIDE: THE BREAKUP PART 1 (DUMPED)

Benny
A POLITE GUIDE: THE BREAKUP PART 1 (DUMPED)

I was recently asked for advice by a homie younger than me about how to handle a breakup he going through. Good kid overall, he's just girl dumb. I was at his age so it's nothing wrong with that. Dealing with a breakup is one of two things. Super easy to get over or super painful to get over. There's seriously no grey area in my opinion. I've been on both sides. The Dumper and the person that got dumped. You're either hurt badly or don't give a fuck. 

It's not really a science behind how to deal with it, we just make shit difficult because that's what humans do. I'm not saying I'm a relationship guru. I'm just sharing my experiences and advice on what steps to take in dealing with the end of a relationship. I'm going to try to simplify this the best way I can. 

You've been dumped.

It hurts. I know. Especially if you didn't see it coming. Nothing seems real anymore. The thought of starting back over is stressful. You may not believe me but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

THE DO'S

GET HIM OR HER BACK

This is for people who really give a fuck. If you don't care about your breakup. Congrats, the chains are broken you're free. Go live it up. Okay back to my hurt friends who care. You're going to do everything in your power to get this person back and guess what? You have about a 2% chance of succeeding. It's inevitable. You're going to try. When it comes to the women. Men will breakup up with you but most likely still want to fuck with you and I'll get into that in further detail later. When it comes to men if she breakup with you homie that shit most likely DONEZO. When a woman mind made up it's made up. Fuck all the movies and shows you've seen where they get him or her back. The chances of that happening for you are so fucking slim. Promising to change, and fix what went wrong. Nope. Just take the heartbreak. It's going to hurt but the world still intact. 

GET THE FUCK OUT IMMEDIATELY

If you didn't live with your ex, this is easy, just go get your shit you have in their car, place, whatever immediately. Do not leave shit on purpose for an excuse to go back. Don't be that person like "Aye I left my paper clip over there. Can I come get it?" GET ALL YOUR SHIT. If you lived with your ex. Do everything in your power to get everything you own in one trip. If that means getting a U-haul then do it. The quicker you get the fuck out the quicker you can have a fresh start. Trust me you do not want this shit to linger on. If you want to keep your sanity trust me on this. If he or she tripping over something fuck it let them have it. You have to treat this like a bandaid, just rip that shit off. 

ERASE THE PAST

This might be hard for women because women have photo albums, memory journals and boxes. Ladies love to save everything. One of my ex's sent me a message of a picture of me she kept from high school. I laughed and kind of felt bad because I didn't have any pictures of her. Honestly I think you should get rid of all that shit. It's how I deal with breakups. All those pictures getting thrown away. Everything that reminds me of that person is getting sold (Old gifts) or going to the trash. Call me petty but I like to start fresh and I can't start fresh with a box of memories of old relationships. I'm ready to make new ones with a new love. Women get a pass for this I suppose but Men? Fuck no. Get rid of all memories.

Back to both men and women. Clean all your social media profiles as if the relationship never happened. Remove your ex from all social media. Yes. REMOVE. Unfollow, remove friend, whatever. Everything must go even his or her friends and family that you're friends with on social media. It's nothing personal. It's life. This is the only way to really start over. It's over. The person who dumped you won't be sad. You will. The last thing you want to see in the heartbreak stage you're going through is your ex enjoying the fuck out of their life when you're no longer in it. I'm not saying they're doing it on purpose but you have to remember their heart is still whole, yours isn't. You were in front of the gun they were behind it. It will crush you if you see that. Erase all the text history. You don't need to be looking at old text messages and reminiscing. You're not going to do nothing but beat yourself up about what you did wrong or figure out where the relationship went sour and what you've could've done better. You're not doing anything but hurting yourself. Fuck it, erase the call log too, for good measure. This person needs to be a ghost. A stranger to you, when it comes to your personal life.

GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA

This is optional. If you cleaned out your social media and feel like you can do social media go ahead but if you're still emotional which 98% of the time you will be, just stay the fuck off social media. We don't need to hear or see your inspirational quotes. You're not inspirational. You're hurt. We don't want to hear or see subliminal messages to your ex good or bad. No need to announce that you're single. People nosey as fuck anyway so they'll know before you even speak on it. Just fall off the grid for a week or so. Just chill and deal with the hurt with loved ones off of the net. 

VENT TO LOVED ONES

Vent! Vent! Vent! Get it off your chest. Only to trusted loved ones. You'll feel a little bit better because it's always good to get insight from loved ones. They want you to be happy and they'll do their best to make sure that happens. It won't fix you right away but it's something that's healthy for you going forward. 

ACTIVITY

Do something. This is a perfect time to find a new hobby or passion. Go for walks. Write. Exercise. Read. Just something. Now clubbing or bar hopping may be hard as fuck to get through especially if you see a bunch of couples. All you're going to think is "Damn that used to be me." You will start drinking and honestly drinking is the LAST thing you want to do fresh off being dumped. So many thoughts and emotions will arrive. I started fucking with different women but that shit don't help. No amount of sex is going to do anything about heartbreak. After you're done you realize that person isn't your ex no matter how good it was or if they were actually better. Just be careful with the nightlife when you go that route. Do something that helps you grow as a person. 

DONT'S

CONTACT

DO. NOT. FUCKING. CONTACT. YOUR. EX. There is no reason for you to be contacting him or her. It's over. Their number shouldn't even be in your phone. It's impossible for you to be friends. Why? You're attracted to him or her and they don't feel that way about you anymore. It's a glitch. The only way you can be friends is if both of you are no longer attracted to each other. Your ex being your friend is about 85% bullshit. You have too much intimate history and one person is going to think about that history. Don't get me wrong if you run into each other be cordial and polite but to try and be friends with someone who dumped you who you still have feelings for is like going 175 mph on a open highway and suddenly pulling up the E-break. You're fucking yourself up and the car. It's counterproductive.  No you don't need a fucking closure conversation. Fuck closure conversations. They're bullshit because you don't want closure you want an excuse to be in their presence or talk to them. You got your closure when they chose to move on from you. 

Drunk Dialing and Texting. No. Just no. Like I said their number shouldn't be in your phone anymore. This shit is so dangerous. You'll end up saying something you'll regret in the morning along with your bar receipts. Nothing good ever comes from drunk dialing a ex. Even if you get sex out of it the situation isn't worth it. You're fragile and desperate. Holding on to hope believing it's going to go back to how it used to be. It's a future headache and more heartache. Drunk dial and text anyone but your ex. 

You have to just do you. If your ex does contact you do one of three things. Say you don't want to talk to them. Keep the conversation short and direct. Ignore the call or text. What reason do they have to call you for? To check on you? Don't believe the hype. Just keep it moving. 

NO REBOUND RELATIONSHIP

This is the most selfish shit you can do because you're bringing someone else's feelings into the equation. If you're not over your ex please stay out of relationships. It's not fair to the new person in your life. They shouldn't have to suffer because of your past. Rebound relationships never last. EVER. If your ex left you for someone else immediately after you guys broke up well one, that has been brewing behind your back for a while. People just don't appear. Two, the relationship won't last because it's built on a honeymoon stage, that person has only got to know your ex in small secretive doses like text messages, plus the universe just works like that. The same goes for you. If you're not over your ex the rebound relationship you're in will not last. It will fall apart in a major way. Just stay to yourself until you feel you're ready. 

DO NOT SLANDER YOUR EX TO OTHERS

Unless they did some unforgivable shit like domestic violence, rape, etc you should speak up but if it's just they fell out of love with you, cheated, etc, just keep their name out of your mouth. It's not worth it. Just be the bigger person and move on. I never slandered any of ex's no matter what happened. When people ask me what happen to so and so I just answer "Ask her." I don't like to give anyone an excuse for drama. When you speak ill of your ex to other people you're just bringing in negative energy into your world. You're better than that. Some people in this world want you to slander their name so some shit can get started. Don't fall for it. 

DO NOT SLANDER THEIR NEW RELATIONSHIP

If your ex has moved on to someone new. There is no reason for you to speak on their partner. In my personal life I've never talked bad about any of my ex's new relationships. I don't know that guy. Don't want to get to know that guy. Don't want to see him. I'm not interested in things that don't concern me that's why I'm never in any shit. Their new relationship is none of my business. If their new relationship falls apart they could never blame me for that happening. I never spoke on it or them. Like I said before when you do shit like this you're asking for drama. I do not do drama at fucking all. I will distant myself from it in a heartbeat. One of my ex's tried to bait me speaking on her new relationship when I ran into her but that shit fell on deaf ears and I quickly changed the subject. You just look weak talking about your ex new relationship. Leave that shit to lames who just don't get it. 

PART 2. The Do's and Don'ts of the person who broke the heart. Soon. 

- BENNY