When I was a kid I used to have anxiety when going to my granny house. There was always people there. I just had anxiety when greeting people. Greeting people was very awkward for me for some reason growing up so I would get really nervous. I'd say hi to my family and walk away as fast as I could and just chill quietly. An hour or two later I'd be more relaxed and talkative. It's just how I'm wired. My momma would always give the disclaimer "He's really quiet" to everyone who thought I was strange. 

My family understood I was just a quiet person. Never really gave me problem about it. They accepted who I was. I talked when I felt like it. If you know me well then you know I can talk for days. 

My family is where the understanding stopped. All my life people have made it their life mission to annoy the living shit out of me about being a quiet person. Every. Fucking. Day. 

The cool thing to say is that I'm a introvert. I really am a introvert. No fake shit. Being a introvert seems to be the "cool" thing these days for some odd reason but I've been one my whole life. When I'm high or drunk I'm in extrovert land. I talk to everyone when I'm not sober. Somedays I'm a ambivert but my core is introverted. 

I just don't understand why being a quiet person bothers people so much. Here are the plights of being a quiet person. 


I told you my momma did this. Well it got annoying as I got older. When people do this shit, the person they share this information with already judges you. They treat you differently and walk on egg shells around you which is annoying. I prefer strangers find out for themselves that I'm a quiet person. I don't like people making announcements about my personality. Drives me fucking nuts. 


This question is the worse. This question is basically like saying "Why aren't you normal?" It's a very rude question. I get this question the most at work. I just wanna shut the fuck up and put in these weak ass hours and take my ass home. Why is that so hard to comprehend? 


Dear Small Talk, 

Fuck You. 

Hate, Benny. 

For some strange fucking reason it seems that people who love small talk have a fucking radar that detects people who like to shut the fuck up and enjoy their thoughts in peace. It's like they think to themselves "He or she is awfully quiet. I better go fuck up their day." We are magnets to small talk. No one bothers talkative people ever. Why? It's because talkative people always bothering the next mothafucka. Stop bothering me while I'm in my thoughts. I LOVE TO THINK AND I HATE WHEN I'M INTERRUPTED! MY THOUGHTS ARE THE SHIT! 

The anxiety I have from greeting people when I was younger exist because greeting people is in the realm of small talk. After the greeting you usually don't just leave, small talk follows. Small talk is like listening to an Iggy Azalea or Meghan Trainor song or watching that old Nickelodeon show "Hey Dude." It's torture. I rather eat coleslaw than have small talk. Every time I participate in small talk afterwards I feel icky as if I walked through spider webs. 

Pause. I said icky. 


When you're quiet something has to be wrong with you according to everyone. Yes. You're absolutely right. Something is wrong. You're annoying. Nothing is wrong with me. No I'm not sad. No I'm not mad. You're making me mad by assuming I'm mad because I'm quiet. You want to hear something crazy? What if I'm shutting the fuck up becauuuuuuuse ...........

*Drum Roll* 


I live in my mind and when I'm ready to exit my mind you'll fucking love me because I'm incredible, interesting, and insightful. Three I's like Pineal Glands. I like speaking whenever I feel the time is right for me. Nothing is wrong. My life is the shit and will continue to get better. I'll continue to be quiet while it does too. 


When you're quiet, people think you're 


Stuck Up/Too good to speak

Crazy/Psycho Killer 

People think one of those 3 things about quiet people. No I'm not depressed. I'm stuck up when it comes to dealing with anyone's bullshit. I am actually crazy but not the crazy society thinks. I'm very crazy in a artistic sense. I talk to myself in public and I don't give a fuck if people are watching me. I'm usually just saying my ideas in my mind out loud. I brainstorm all day about writing and different projects so I just say shit out loud so I don't forget my brilliant ideas. I'm kind of like rain man when it comes to my art. 

How does the saying go? "It's the quiet ones you have to watch." That might be true because if you ever seen my temper you'd wish you'd never spoke to me and wished I'd go back to my normal quiet self. 


My co-workers do this fuck shit. Try to get me to come out of my bubble they say. I'm not in any fucking bubble. I'm minding my fucking business. If I was in a bubble, what if I liked being in that bubble? It would be very rude of you to try to go out your way to make me uncomfortable. 

I remember one of my co-workers saying they were going to get me to talk more. Why? Why does it even fucking matter? Why is me being quiet make you so uncomfortable? People are weird bruh. Teachers I had growing up trying to force you to read out loud and keep picking you because they know you hate to talk and you don't want to. Fuck participation. If I'm doing the work nothing else should matter. I'm not trying to talk to you. I wanna talk to the LaTasha, the girl in the other class who's number I got at recess. 

This is a terrible thing to do to people. Just let them be themselves. As long as they're not harming anyone let them chill. 


Most quiet people such as myself love our solitude and our solitude usually comes in the comfort of our own home thus making us homebodies so friends we may have who are not quiet will constantly try to drag you from watching 1000 youtube videos all night in your drawls. They want  you to come out and be social. I usually only go to concerts or art events if it's not related to that I'm in my crib listening to music, watching a good show/anime, or writing. I love being in my own thoughts and feelings more than being in other people's thoughts and feelings. Some people have a problem with loneliness. I don't. I actually embrace loneliness. It scares people and I even scare myself sometimes how much I embrace it. I just love myself that's all. 

When I go out picture me having a meter of life you would see in a video game. Everything I do depends on how I gain or drain my energy. Energy is everything to me. It's my most precious treasure. I don't like wasting my energy, I equate it to my time. If my energy is not where I want it to be I am not going anywhere. If my energy meter is low when I'm out that means it's time for me to get some food and go home. I will leave the function without saying goodbye too. I'll just get ghost. Saying goodbye may lead to more small talk. Lord knows I don't want that. 

I actually like meeting new people but I usually mentally prepare myself to do so before I even leave my house. I go out more than the usual lately because I cover more events since I started this blog so it's very vital that I'm out at certain events. I'm quiet not because I'm shy. I'm quiet because talking is tiring to me. It's like work so I have to mentally prepare for it, It's just how I'm wired. I drop jewels and hilarious shit when I do speak though. 

I'm a quiet person. Be interesting and do interesting things if you want me to speak or "come out my shell" so badly. If you can't? I'll continue staying in my mind which I don't mind.