Random thoughts in my mind. I kept asking myself this question the whole month of April. Can St.Louis change? Am I biting off more than I can chew? Am I fighting a uphill battle just to make it to the top and be disappointed? I think the mystery is the only thing that keeps me going I suppose.
Should I leave or stay? I don’t even care at this point. I have a vision of always having a place here along with another place somewhere else. I used to feel some type of way about leaving but now I don’t really give a fuck. If you feel your time has run it’s course here then go wherever you feel will bring the best out of you. I think everybody in the world feels the same way about where they’re from or at least thought the same thoughts.
I look around at the scene and it feels like I’m watching a hamster run on it’s wheel in it’s cage. There’s some great people doing things to make things better here but they’re always met with so much resistance and push back. I will never understand it. Why do people want things to get worse here instead of better? Why if someone isn’t involved with what’s being created then they criticize and try to tear good things down? What’s even worse is that those same negative people who truly don’t want to experience cool shit here will come around anyway and bring negativity with them instead of going somewhere else to truly enjoy themselves. This is why talented people leave here and rarely look back.
There’s this huge disconnect in St.Louis that won’t ever connect. It’s just something I’ve come to accept recently. I guess you can say I was naive to think that aspect would change. It doesn’t bother me because I’ll do what I do regardless. I’ve just learned to live with it and put my best foot forward to contribute what I can here and remain positive. I’m not a person that’s into slandering where I’m from because that’s like slandering myself. This place made me. It’s like having a dysfunctional family member. You love them, have great memories and will always cherish them but you know they’re fucked up and you’ve done all you can to help and now it’s really up to them to get it together. That’s basically what STL is to me.
It’s just very black and white here and the people who do have the platforms to change things here want to be everything else but St.Louis. I remember when I was in Atlanta and I was riding around the city. Every time I heard the radio I heard Bankroll Fresh (He was alive then). I just thought damn they really fuck with dude here. They played so many songs of his and more often than super mainstream music. Bankroll wasn’t a national artist he just had a buzz yet you’d think he was a superstar the way ATL radio played his music. This is why we have to put all our love into platforms like ULSTN radio who play nothing but St.Louis shit and make them the biggest radio station here.
I get on the internet to find out Frank Ocean played Smino’s music on a radio station before St.Louis did. That bothered the fuck out of me. Why and how is that happening? A album as good as blkswn not being played here at home but in Cali, NY, and a Apple radio station. I felt really embarrassed for some reason. Happy for Smi of course, but embarrassed. To see artists like J’Demul not get embraced here is just weird to me. If he was in another market that kid would be so far ahead compared where he is now and it’s a shame that I’m saying that. I wish it wasn’t like that but it’s just the way it is.
I see why no major tours come here. I want to see the actual stats on that. Out of 10 major tours we might get 2 of them that stop in St.Louis maybe 3. People were complaining about Kendrick Lamar not coming here. It’s real simple to explain how his camp came to that decision to fly over St.Louis. He’s not in demand here to the point he feels it’s worth stopping here and we don’t buy tickets. That’s pretty much it. If we do buy tickets it’s always last minute. Can’t remember the last time a artist sold out a arena here. Probably some old rock artist or something. Only thing that sell out here is smaller venues, lounges, and clubs. Especially those clubs where y’all always get finessed for those booth fees for a 10 minute performance from whoever is the hot trap rapper at that moment. Y’all keep taking the bait so it’s going to keep happening. How is 3 or 4 other cities on the Swanita tour sold out before us? It makes us look bad. I actually take pride and care about shit like that.
I’ve read about business owners that come to STL and flourish. A lot of startups prosper here and it takes creativity to start businesses but a artist who lives and breathes creativity and practices good business has to go through so much shit just to do something cool here. It’s frustrating when I think about it.
Something has to change. I feel we’re due for a change given the talented people here but the realist in me is questioning is that change even possible? We’ll find out.