First things first I’m firing all you niggas. I’m coming to the office with a paintball gun like Ari Gold from Entourage except I’m not balding, my hair is as soft as Rosario Dawson's lips and titties, and my beautiful brown skin twankling and glistening like a No limit chain and I’m shooting everyone who is fired.
I’m hiring 90% black women.
I'm uplifting all the music artist music video bans. Like Redman, Tribe Called Quest, AZ, etc. They banned all the artists with actual substance. Shame.
Tacos and Margaritas in the break room daily. Loosen up. I like my business loose.
Second the people who thought it was cute to play Baby Boy and Stomp The Yard for all eternity I’m beating yall ass and then forcing you to watch both movies over and over so you can see how it feels.
Stone Cole Steve Austin, Ric Flair, and Polite Coolery will host The BET Awards from now on.
I’m a start giving lifetime achievement awards to niggas who really deserve em like Jodeci, Clifton Powell, and Powerline.
B.E.T Uncut will make it’s return and will still have all the old classics in rotation plus live looks into strip clubs with good and impeccable wings every episode.
There’s no nerd shit on B.E.T. We changing that. All Black Superhero films and shows will be in rotation.
I’m begging Aaron MacGruder to bring back The Boondocks.
I’m only giving real niggas talk shows. Not these TJ Maxx tie wearing ass niggas. Nobody wanna hear shit from niggas dressed like mannequins in the Express store. I’m talking real niggas who let they food touch and have been wearing durags before it was a trend.
I will have a joaning quota for every quarter. You gotta flame a certain number of niggas in the office every quarter. If the quota not met you’re job will be under review. The reason why B.E.T has sucked dick for almost 2 decades is because I’m willing to bet there is not one person in that company that can Joan.
Every black show will be in rotation over time except The Parkers. That show is the coleslaw of shows. I still love Mo'Nique though. Actually I'd create some shit like Hulu and it just plays all the classic black shows and black cartoon shows. Subscriptions would be booming.
I will have a Unplugged concert series on the network. You ever watched the Maxwell one? Fire!
Video Soul, Rap City, Caribbean Rhythms are coming back. Yeah we gone actually play music videos. When Rap City was saying “Rap Titty” in the intro that’s when it was the most fire. See? Titties improve everything.
There will be a naturalista department for shows, pop up shops at events and festivals. Makeup and hair tutorials show type shit. Trappin skin products. You know SelfCareDepartment type shit. I need all my employees skin shining like Soul-Glo.
Actually have one of my fashion homies make some fye ass merch for B.E.T. Have real niggas wearing our shit to kickbacks and concerts.
A comedy show for my comedian homies. Actually all my homies funny so it’s really a comedy show for us.
A actual therapy show about actual mental health issues. Teaching viewers how to heal. Actually have discussions and debates that make people uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is good, that means we need to have the conversation or debate.
It’s kinda sad that a channel that’s supposed to be for me and people who look like me is a joke and no one ever takes it seriously. There's no way that any black filmmaker or show creators should not have they shit on B.E.T or at least consider it the first network they go to. That just looks awful bruh. Crazy. I grew up on B.E.T and now shit a joke.
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