I THINK I KNOW THE KARDASHIANS
 Brian Bowen Smith/E! Entertainment

Brian Bowen Smith/E! Entertainment

 

 

Random shit about The Kardashians. But I think I understand now. 

 

A reader of my blog emailed me and asked me why haven’t I ever written about The Kardashians on this blog. But I think they meant why haven’t I joaned or made fun of them. I don’t really know much about them except their names. I’ve never watched their shows. I didn’t know if they had books and shit. I don’t know shit about them. 

 

 

I’m a big believer in taking whatever gems I can from anybody. Regardless if I like them or dislike them. You can learn something from the most despicable people. Almost everyone hates the Kardashian family. For what reason I’m not sure I didn’t know much about them a week ago. I just know their names and see them in pictures. I never really liked them or disliked them. I’ve always been indifferent towards them. I don’t agree with everything they do but they’re a interesting bunch. I see why they're popular and stayed popular the past 10 years. 

 

 

Kardashian Family please adopt me. Look I don’t wanna fuck any of yall or none of that shit. Just adopt me. Just lemme get a room, lemme bring some of my thirsty L.A hoes through from time to time and you won’t hear a peep from me. I’ll be like the hand from The Addams Family. 

 

 

Since Kim freeing people from prison can we get Max-B and Jizzle Buckz back on the streets pronto? 

 

 

I can teach yall family how to make catfish nuggets and baked macaroni the right way.

 

 

I’m not fucking with no plastic surgery. That’s yall wave and I’m okay with that but I’m already cute and I’m afraid of knives and doctors. 

 

 

Speaking of plastic surgery. I dunno why the Kardashians catch heat for that. Cardi B titties and ass fake and everybody love her. There’s plenty of celebs that have plastic surgery but it’s never thrown back in their face as much as Kim. I will say it's weird that every woman in California or Miami who gets plastic surgery tries to look like Kim. Should she be flattered or creeped the fuck out by that?

 

 

I want Kourtney to introduce me to Scott. I wanna drink with Scott. I believe I can drink him under the table. I just want a best outta 3 drinking match and then I’ll be cool. 

 

 

If adopted, nobody ever robbing Kim again when I’m around. I got the strap. 

 

 

I just lurked Kendall Instagram for the first time. We low key have the same personality. We chill and both be looking majestic as fuck like unicorns. 

 

 

Don’t ever call me an influencer call me the prime Bobby Brown of writing instead but Kim is one of the greatest influencers of all time if we’re going by the definition of it. Whether you think it’s Good or bad she’s influenced a lot of mothafuckas. 

 

 

Are the Kardashians really talentless? If a family who can gross close to a billion is talentless then nigga please come take my talent away right the fuck now. There’s people born into money but can’t create a business even with the huge financial advantage over the average muhfucka. To create a business or in the Kardashian’s case a fucking empire takes a lot of talent. You can’t say the Kardashian family looks got them all those millions either because I see plenty of broke failing gorgeous bitches everyday. 

 

 

They’ve used their platform to their advantage which then brought on more opportunities. I’ve done the same thing with this blog except I’m still trying to make $13 stretch til next Thursday. No Lambos for me I guess. 

 

 

Kylie Jenner makeup business is worth almost 400 million dollars? What in the entire fuckity fuck? How long that shit been out? A year? Maybe 2 years? That’s gonna be worth a billion soon as fuck. 

 

 

Rob looks like he could make a good Lasagna. Rob if you’re reading this, lets go get some Lasagna. On you of course. I’m broke as fuck. 

 

 

I know I hear people say “If you’re a black man you need to stay away from the Kardashians” but here’s why them niggas be losing they mind. Them niggas don’t ever wear doo-rags and listen to classic Curren$y mixtapes and that’s why they go crazy. I’ll be fine because I’m from St.Louis. I’ve dealt with crazier shit than this on an everyday basis. I’m good. 

 

 

I would like a cameo on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” with my brother Moe and we will teach the entire family about titties and all their glorious splendor, the importance of short haired black women to society, and explain to them why “Reasonable Doubt” is the greatest piece of music in music history. Matter fact tell the producers play “Can I Live” when we’re introduced on the show. 

 

 

I don’t really see a malicious family like everyone claims. I just see a family that chases perfectionism and care what people think because it’s what made them wealthy and in that chase some silly decisions have been made. But evil? Nah. They seem nice to me. They just act like majority of all famous people do. 

 

 

Peace.