Aye we all fucked up. It is what it is. Please don’t take this shit forreal because I’ve met people who are signs but the total opposite of traits so yeah. Chill and drink an orange soda. Here are all the zodiacs from my experience in life.
Aries are an episode of Recess. Always fucking fun. Aries be cool as fuck. My brother in titties Moe is a Aries and that nigga can’t sit still for shit and he always gotta be out in the streets having fun. If I stay in the crib I’m in heaven. If Moe stays in the crib he will lose his mind. He the opposite of me. He’s an Aries forreal. Aries never sit still. I never met a introverted Aries so if a Aries tell you they a introvert they a lying mothafucka. Aries are literally big titty energy. Hella outgoing ass niggas. They’re bosses and optimistic. They always see the bright side about things and rather focus on the positive. They get mad quick as fuck though and if they’re mad just get the fuck away from them. If you ever seen a Aries cuss somebody out that shit is vicious. Even if they’re just playing. They have short fuses.
They only care about Food, Fucking, and Finances. A Taurus will choose themselves before anybody majority of the time so a lot of people resent them. They don’t rely on nobody for shit. They not really aggressive and they gotta be cozy so majority of em live in their bed. They’re really lazy. Basically Tauruses are burritos. Comfortable and delicious. You wanna find a Taurus they're in their bed 101% of the time. They just want some naps and Moooooooney. A lot of money. *Plies voice* I think they only good at making money so they can afford to be lazy. If you wanna learn how to budget call a Taurus. They spend money but they are good at stacking it too. They nasty as fuck also. If you fucking a Taurus that sex might have you sprung like a bitch. They’ll never say sorry or admit they’re wrong cause they’re stubborn as fuck, things have to be done their way and their way only and they always got a mothafuckin opinion so me being a Scorpio and being opinionated myself means I’d debate about shit with Tauruses all the time whether it’s good or bad. But at least you’ll eat good with them.
The wittiest sign of them all the Gemini. They’re smart. Gemini’s could make great chess players. They think ahead of everybody. Gemini’s have inconsistent feelings. But generally their main feeling is that they don’t care about shit. Nothing. So if you have feelings and wanna express them to a Gemini 8 outta 10 times they won’t give a fuck. They have the most potential in becoming sociopaths. Just look at Kanye or Bugs Bunny. Gemini love you hate you then love you then hate you again like a Jay-Z verse. My best friend is a Gemini and he cool as fuck but that nigga crazy. Gemini’s be cool until it’s time for a relationship. They super confident and they’re chill but they get mad at thee smallest shit and make it a big deal then apologize to you seconds later. If you like people that like to overreact go find a Gemini. Everybody in the city knows the gemini. People are really drawn to them. The down side about them though is that they can be really fake sometimes. Like talk about their friends fake.
My momma a Cancer. And for women, if she’s a Cancer she’s gonna be a great mom cause they’re so fucking caring. I’m not just saying that because my momma one. This is real. I could be real standoff-ish to my mom and she just wanna take care of me no matter how bad my attitude is. If a Cancer stops caring for you then you deserve that shit because they will go BEYOND to please you. They will help ANYBODY especially family if you’ve never did them wrong. Cancer’s love to love. They’re SUPER emotional. Socially Cancer’s are weird. They’ll talk a lot and then out the blue they’ll be shy and quiet. That’s how all Cancer’s be. They also hella fucking sensitive and fear people telling them no. They always talk about bad shit or shit that will make you sad and ruin the mood. Like my momma talks about Trump every fucking day. Like MY GOD STOP!!! They also leave small ass details outta shit and then tell you the shit at the last second. They also have bad instincts. They never listen to their intuition about shit until it’s too late. A Cancer’s are usually right about people or things but they’ll convince themselves to ignore their gut feeling and then be wrong and now their feelings are hurt.
I’m hit or miss with Leo’s like I have really good friends that are Leo’s and we never argue but my brother is a Leo and we will argue all the fucking time but that’s more because we’re siblings. Leo’s generally get along with everybody. Very easy to vibe with. As long as you don’t weigh the vibe down with sad shit or try to boss them around and control them a Leo will love you. You gotta let the Leo do them. Leo’s are dummy confident. Like I’m jealous of how confident they are. Sometimes the confidence can be really fucking annoying especially when you know they not shit. They have to be the center of attention. I don’t think I ever met a Leo that isn’t funny or I couldn’t have fun with. If you wanna go to Vegas and do coke with strippers take a Leo with you cause they will be down for that shit or at least entertain the thought.
A couple of my exes are Virgos. I click with them very well. I tell you this much they are the biggest fucking OCD nerds you’ll ever meet. Look at Beyonce. She leaves no stone unturned when she does a performance. That Coachella performance could only be put together by a fucking Virgo. No other zodiac sign. Virgos are fucking great at everything. They’re quick learners and literally can do anything if you give them a week or so with it. If a Virgo wants that shit they will get that shit. Once their mind is set on something it gets done. Virgos crazy as fuck though. Remember in Goodfellas where Henry woke up to Karen on top of him holding a gun to his face? Yeah Karen a Virgo. A Virgo will also hurt the fuck outta your feelings. Especially if you don’t do something right because they have very high standards for themselves and other people. They have little patience for mistakes. They even hate themselves when they make mistakes. They will say some hurtful shit when they’re drunk or have been pushed over the edge. They mend fences though. A Virgo will blow up your house and then come back somewhere down the line like it’s no big deal and never happened and wanna be friends with you again. They’re very forgiving people. Give them some time. They some gossiping mothafuckas though so they always in drama. Like all my exes that are Virgos told me everybody fucking business. And I'm like "Bitch this why you always in some shit."
These niggas throw parties. They want everybody to be happy and kicking it. If there’s a house party 1 of 2 signs are throwing that shit. It’s the Aries or the Libra that’s throwing the kickback. They’re real fucking logical so that makes them fair and unbiased people. They love balance. Of course the shit that annoys me about Libra’s is that it will take them 2 days to place an order at Popeye’s cause these niggas can never make up their mind. If they have their mind made up bout something don’t believe that shit. It will change. Making decisions overwhelm them niggas and I’m sure every Libra has had a fucking panic attack about making a decision at one point. Only thing you not undecided about is being horny. Yall be horny horny.
Ooooh Me!! We’re the most intense sign outta all you lil whores. Drake is a Scorpio so that tells you everything you need to know. We’re all about sex and secrets. We love fucking. Very sensual ass people. As long as we fucking we don’t care how it’s done as long as it’s happening. We’re very raw and honest if we trust you but if not we won’t tell you shit. If a Scorpio tells you about themselves that means they will go to war for you no questions asked. It means they like you and trust you. If you do us wrong there’s no coming back from it because we’ll forgive you but we’ll have the revenge plan already in motion because we do not forget. We’re petty as fuck if you hurt us. We are really mean people when we’re hurt. We are usually right about people. So if a Scorpio say somebody fake that muhfucka is Kim K’s cheeks indeed. If we say they real then they most likely real. Out intuition is so on point. We’re really dark and we always asking “why” about shit. A lot of things can’t just “Be” with Scorpios. There always has to be something deeper and that can get annoying. We are TRUE introverts. We love alone time because we have detached personalities. Very detached and always in darkness. Because we always asking why bout shit we’re probably the most creative mothafuckas on the planet. We love creating. Another bad thing about us is that we’re moody. If someone makes us mad that means we take it out on everybody. Give a Scorpio space to cool off and they’ll come to you when they’re ready and over the situation.
The most non emotional people you’ll ever meet. If you wanna talk about feelings run away from the Sagittarius because they do not give a fuck about feelings. Not even their own. If you’re needy or clingy a Sag will think you’re repulsive. They’re very independent. They have no problems being by themselves. They’re kinda loners. If you wanna do bad shit that you know you shouldn’t be doing then a Sagittarius will convince you to do it because they’re optimistic about everything. Any type of confrontation a Sagittarius will not deal with it. So if you have an issue it will be hard to catch up with them. This is the weirdest sign of the zodiac. They’re huge flirts too. They flirt with everybody. You niggas always loud as fuck. Laughing loud as fuck. Talking loud as fuck. Eating loud as fuck. Get a Sag drunk and they will make Meek Mill look like Janet Jackson in a library. You can't give them advice on shit either. Even if you're right they will get so offended. So just leave them be and let them fuck up.
These some cold hearted bitches. In good and bad ways. Some of the most evil shit in the world will come out of the mouth of a Capricorn. Some of the most heartless shit will be done by a Capricorn. They do not give a fuck. They are low-key serial killers. They’re crazy as fuck. They’ll watch any horror movie with you because they’re a living horror movie. Bad shit always happen to these niggas they always going through some shit but they tend to overcome it. They’re hard to get feelings out of also. They just do cold hearted shit, won’t give you a reason and go on living their life. They’re big dreamers and ambitious. They have trouble starting shit but if you push them they will finish a job because they’re hard fucking workers. If you’re a creative and you have a Capricorn on your team there is no reason why you shouldn’t get rich. You just have to get them started because they’re slow starters but once they get going you’re going to the mountain top. They’re super nasty too. Capricorn will fuck the soul outta you if they truly like you outside of that they don’t give a fuck about sex. They’re dark like me so I usually vibe with Capricorns a lot.
Damn near half my family are Aquarius. These niggas will give you the shirt off their back. They’re so fucking giving to a fault. So they tend to get betrayed a lot because they will help and give to any fucking body if you just say hi to them. Their feelings are always all over the place and they’re very detached. All Aquarius talk about is people betraying them. They will beat the fuck outta a dead horse when it comes to shit that bothers them. They cannot let shit go without saying something. THESE NIGGAS LOVE TO FIGHT OR ARGUE!! ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!! THEIR DAY IS NOT COMPLETE UNLESS THEY ARE ARGUING WITH SOME FUCKING BODY!!!!! THEY WILL BAIT YOU INTO ARGUMENTS EVERYDAY! And they always think they’re right. Aquarius will act detached towards you then when you fall back from them for being detached they will get upset that you’re not giving them any attention. They are fucking odd. They’re super unreliable. If you need them on time for some shit it ain’t happening. If you want something cancelled they will cancel it with no problem. They’re not really creative. They’ll have talent but when it comes to innovating something it’s rare they’ll do that.
My pops is a Pisces and we get along the best outta everybody. He’s introverted and chill just like me. Super creative like me. Pisces are geniuses they’re so smart and creative so I love being around them because I always learn something from them and our conversations are deeeeep. The problem with Pisces is that they’re so sensitive about everything. I can’t joan on a pisces. Ever. They are so fucking sensitive. Their feelings will be hurt before I get the joke out my mouth. If you a playful nigga a Pisces is somebody you might have trouble hanging with. Pisces don’t know how to balance shit. They’re really do too much or do too little. So for example a Pisces can be too fucking giving or too fucking selfish. There’s no balance in that. My dad is too nice and giving so he’s on the better side of the two. Pisces are all over the place and messy with everything in life too but I love them.
Yeah like I said we all psychos. Love each other.
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